The American Credo: A Contribution Toward the Interpretation of the National MindMencken, H. L. (Henry Louis)
General
The American Credo: A Contribution Toward the Interpretation of the National Mind
Mencken, H. L. (Henry Louis)
American wit and humor; National characteristics, American
That all Chinamen smoke opium.
Sec.144
That every country girl who falls has been seduced by a man from the
city.
Sec.145
That an intelligent prize-fighter always triumphs over an ignorant
prize-fighter, however superior the latter in agility and strength.
Sec.146
That a doctor's family never gets sick.
Sec.147
That nature designed a horse's tail primarily as a flicker-off of flies.
Sec.148
That nicotine keeps the teeth in a sound condition.
Sec.149
That when an Odd Fellow dies he is always given a magnificent funeral by
his lodge, including a band and a parade.
Sec.150
That the man who is elected president of the Senior Class in a college
is always the most popular man in his class.
Sec.151
That a minor actress in a theatrical company always considers the
leading man a superb creature, and loves him at a distance.
Sec.152
That a Southern levee is a gay place.
Sec.153
That when a dog whines in the middle of the night, it is a sure sign
that some one is going to die.
Sec.154
That the stenographer in a business house is always coveted by her
employer, who invites her to luncheon frequently, gradually worms his
way into her confidence, keeps her after office hours one day,
accomplishes her ruin, and then sets her up in a magnificently furnished
apartment in Riverside Drive and appeases her old mother by paying the
latter's expenses for a summer holiday with her daughter at the
seashore.
Sec.155
That the extinction of the Indian has been a deplorable thing.
Sec.156
That everybody has a stomach-ache after Thanksgiving dinner.
Sec.157
That, in summer, tan shoes are much cooler on the feet than black shoes.
Sec.158
That every man who calls himself Redmond is a Jew whose real name is
Rosenberg.
Sec.159
That General Grant never directed a battle save with a cigar in his
mouth.
Sec.160
That there is something slightly peculiar about a man who wears spats.
Sec.161
That the more modest a young girl is, the more innocent she is.
Sec.162
That what a woman admires above everything else in a man is an upright
character.
Sec.163
That seafaring men drink nothing but rum.
Sec.164
That no family in the slums has less than six children.
Sec.165
That a piece of camphor worn on a string around the neck will ward off
disease.
Sec.166
That a saloon with a sign reading "Family Entrance" on its side door
invariably has a bawdy house upstairs.
Sec.167
That the wife of a rich man always wistfully looks back into the past
and wishes she had married a poor man.
Sec.168
That all persons prominent in smart society are very dull.
Sec.169
That when ordering a drink of whiskey at a bar, a man always used to
instruct the bartender as to the size of the drink he desired by saying
"two fingers" or "three fingers."
Sec.170
That all the wine formerly served in Italian restaurants was made in the
cellar, and was artificially coloured with some sort of dye that was
very harmful to the stomach.
Sec.171
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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