"Mister, your sign has fallen down!" cried a temperance man to a grog-shop keeper, before whose door a drunken man was prostrate. We don't know, says a paper, whether this temperance man was the same into whose store a customer reeled, exclaiming, "Mr. ----, do you--keep--a-ny--thing--good to take here?" "Yes, we have excellent cold water; the best thing in the world to take." "Well, I know it," was the reply, "there is no one--thing--that's done so much for--navigation--as that." THE "STEAL PEN."--663. A Western editor complains that all the good things in his paper are cut and inserted in other papers, without acknowledgment of the source whence they are obtained. He says, "they do not render unto scissors the things that are scissors'." A PILE OF JOKES.--664. Speaking of wags--what is more waggish than a dog's tail when he is pleased? Speaking of tails--we always like those that end well: Hogg's for instance. Speaking of hogs--we saw one of those animals the other day lying in the gutter, and in the one opposite a well-dressed man; the first one had a ring in his nose, and the latter a ring on his finger. The man was drunk; the hog was sober. "A hog is known by the company he keeps," thought we; so thought Mr. Porker, and off he went. Speaking of "going off" puts us in mind of a gun we once owned--it "went off" one night, and we have not seen it since. Speaking of guns reminds us of powder--we saw a lady yesterday with so much of it on her face that she was refused admission into an omnibus for fear of an explosion. OBITUARY NOTICE.--665. The _Christian Index_ (U. S.) thus prefaces an obituary:--"But a week since we recorded the death of one who was an old father in the church, a careful reader of the _Index_, and who paid for three papers in advance." AN INFANT TEACHER.--666. Under the title of "An Odd Advertisement," a New York paper publishes the following:--"A young lady, perfectly competent, wishes to form a class of young mothers and nurses, to instruct them in the art of talking to infants in such a manner as will interest and please them." QUADRUPLICATED PUN.--667. A comedian at Boston, by way of puff for his approaching benefit, published the following lines:-- "Dear Public, you and I of late Have dealt so much in fun; I'll crack you now a monstrous great Quadruplicated pun! "Like a _grate full_ of coals I'll glow, A _great full_ house to see; And if I am not _grateful_, too, A _great fool_ I must be!" BUCOLIC STUPIDITY.--668. We saw a venerable looking cow yesterday, says the _Cincinnati Herald_, eating pine sawdust, under the impression that it was bran. She didn't find out her mistake until night, when it was found that she gave turpentine instead of milk. LIFE IN KENTUCKY.--669.