The American Joe Miller: A Collection of Yankee Wit and Humor
Philosophy
The American Joe Miller: A Collection of Yankee Wit and Humor
American wit and humor
The _Louisville Journal_--an impudent, one-horse Kentucky concern,
conducted by a walking whisky-bottle--says that one of our
correspondents deprived it of its maps and despatches from Sherman's
army. The _Journal_ is unable to pay even wages to its correspondents,
and relies upon us for the news. Our correspondent purchased the maps
and intelligence referred to from one of the starving reporters of the
_Journal_, in order to save him from putting an end to his miserable
existence, since he could live no longer on the bottle of Bourbon a
week with which the _Journal_ supplied him. The Western editors are
all whisky-bottles, their reporters are all whisky, and their papers
have all the fumes of that beverage without any of its strength.
So much for the slanders of the _Louisville Journal_.--(_New York
Herald._) From the _Louisville Journal_:--This paragraph is the one to
which, without having seen it, we referred yesterday in our notice of
W. F. G. Shanks, a war correspondent of the _New York Herald_. That
paper says that its correspondent purchased from ours the map and the
intelligence referred to; this is the map and the rebel newspapers
mentioned by us yesterday. This is all a base and unmitigated
falsehood. The map was given to the _Herald's_ correspondent upon a
condition which he scandalously violated, and he feloniously broke
the seals of the papers and stole their contents for the use of his
thieving employers. The employers and the _employé_, instead of
throwing a stone at us, ought to be pecking the article in the State
prison. It is not supposable that any paper on earth could have aught
to gain from a dispute with the _New York Herald_. The editor of
that concern is so low down that fifty millstones around his neck,
waist, arms, and legs, couldn't sink him lower. Notoriously, he has
been oftener kicked and horsewhipped than any other man in the United
States. Whoever has had the slightest fancy for horsewhipping or
kicking him has done it. The licence to operate on him in either way,
or both, couldn't have been more perfect if he had worn the word "to
let" in chalk-marks upon his shoulders and coat-tail. When he has
waked up each morning, his reflection has been, "Now, is it to be
a horsewhipping or a kicking to-day?" and occasionally it has been
both, eked out with a smart nose-pulling. In fact, his nose has been
so frequently twisted that it is an entirely one-sided affair, and we
think that in common fairness "the twister" should be sentenced by a
court of justice to "untwist the twist." The editor of the _Herald_
is said to have a great deal of money, but his kicks far exceed
his coppers. The only time he was ever known to thank God was when
sharp-toed boots and shoes were changed to square-toed. It is said
that by long experience he could always tell, when kicked, whether the
application was made by boots, shoes, brogans, or slippers; at what
particular store the article was bought, what was its cost, what its
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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