How little had he foreseen this or anything remotely resembling it on
that moonlight night. She promised to give him then all that she was,
all that she knew of in herself, and it was with a thrill of love,
exquisite and secret, that he had promised himself to teach her what she
did not know. It should be he who would wake in her passion and the fire
and the flower of her womanhood, and even as he had already given
himself and all he was to her, so she, as the fire awoke, should find
that precious gift of herself to him daily grow in worth and wonder. It
was that, that last and final gift that she had promised now, but not to
him. And with that given elsewhere, he felt he would not, or rather
could not, take her, even if it was to deliver her soul from hell
itself.
Then (and in justice to him it must be said that this lasted only for a
little time), what other people would say weighed on him, and what they
would say with regard to his conduct now. And for the same minute's pace
he almost envied those myriad many to whom nothing happens, who know
nothing of the extremes of joy, such as he had felt, or the extremes of
utter abandonment and despair, such as were his now. Assuredly, in the
world's view, it was now in his power to do something to right himself,
to make himself appear, anyhow, what is called a man of spirit; he could
curse her, he could strike him; he could make some explosion or threaten
it, which would be hard for either of the two others to face. Madge had
sat to Evelyn alone, she had often done that, Evelyn was a friend of
his; and here he could blast him, he could make him appear such that the
world in general would surely decline the pleasure of his acquaintance.
Madge again, if he was minded on vengeance, how execrable, how rightly
execrable, he could make her conduct appear. There was no end to the
damage, reckoning damage by the opinion of the world, that he could do
to both of them. All this he could easily do; the bakemeats for the
marriage-table were, so to speak, already hot--they could so naturally
furnish the funeral-feast, as far as the world was concerned, of either
Evelyn or Madge. The whole thing was indecent.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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