Misery sat in his face, misery and a hardness as of iron. He often
looked stern, often looked tired, but now it seemed as if it was of
life that he was tired, and his whole face was inflexible and
inexorable. It was not the sort of misery that could break down and sob
itself into acquiescence, it was the misery of the soul into which the
iron has entered. And mother and son looked at each other long without
speaking, he with that face and soul of iron, she with a hundred terrors
winnowing her. He had not given her any greeting, nor she him. Then she
clasped her hands together in speechless entreaty, and held them out to
him. But still he said nothing, and it was she who spoke first.
"Philip, what is it?" she said. "Whatever it is, tell me quickly, my
dear. I can bear to know anything. I cannot bear not to."
He looked away from her for a moment, striking the gravel with his
stick.
"Madge?" said Mrs. Home. "Is she dead?"
Yet even as she spoke she knew it was not that. That, even that, would
not have made Philip like this. He would have come to her to be
comforted; it was not comfort that he asked for.
"No, she is not dead," he said. "I wish she was. She has betrayed me and
thrown me over. She is probably by this time married to Evelyn Dundas!"
He paused a moment.
"That is what has happened," he said; "and, here to you and now, mother,
I curse them both. I met them together yesterday, I cursed them to their
faces. There is nothing I will not do that can damage them in any way. I
will ruin him if I can, and I will wait long for my vengeance if need
be. I tried to forgive them, I tried to go to the house and tell them
so, but I could not. I don't forgive them, and if for that reason God
does not forgive me what I have done amiss, I don't care. I would
forgive them if I could; I can't. If that is wrong I can't help it. It
is better you should know this at once. I am sorry if it hurts you, but
there is no manner of use in my trying to 'break it' to you, as they
call it. Break it! It is I who am broken!"
Then all the tenderness of maternity, all the years of love between her
and Philip, the complete confidence which had forged so strong and
golden a chain between them, rose in Mrs. Home's mind and sent to her
lips the only answer she could make. Sorrow for him, sympathy with him,
of course he took for granted; there was no need to speak of things
like these.
"Ah, dear Philip, unsay that, unsay that!" she cried. "Whatever happens
to one, it is impossible that you should feel that!"
He looked at her with the same glooming face.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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