She did not see Philip again till dinner-time, and then this ghastly
game of make-believe that nothing was wrong began again. She saw well
what he felt, that as no words could possibly ameliorate the situation,
it was best that no words should pass concerning it, and she guessed
also with a woman's intuition that drops unerringly on to the right
place, even as a bird drops on to a twig, that any expression of pity or
sympathy were, above all, what he could not stand. He could bear no
hand, however gentle, to touch the wound, but winced at even the thought
of it. So they spoke just of all those things except one, which they
would naturally have spoken about, and they said the same things on such
subjects as they would naturally have said. The drought, the Japanese
war, the irritating particles of dust from wood-pavements, all the
topics of the day were there, and there were no silences, not even any
racking of the brain on the part of either to think what should be said
next. That dreadful mechanical engine of habit was in full work, and
just as Philip would have maintained normality though the City was in a
depressed and depressing state, and just as Mrs. Home would have been
quite herself to her guests though some below-stairs crisis was most
critical between domestics, so now when the crisis was such that nothing
could have touched her more keenly, it was easy, but dismal, to
maintain the ordinary forms of life. Servants certainly, that relentless
barometer of local disturbances, saw nothing that night which indicated
trouble; no storm-cone was hoisted, the gardeners, too, had come off
lightly, and Mr. Philip was pronounced to be at the utmost "rather
silent about next week's occurrences." That was the phrase of "the
room," which crystallised any vague or fluid speech that might find
utterance. "Just a little silent"--so well the prime actors in the
dining-room played their parts.
Yet yearning was on one side, the yearning of the mother for the
break-down--for it was that it amounted to--of the son, and on the son's
side was a harshness which the mother could not yet believe existed. But
his implacable speeches had been soberly and literally true, and the
strength of his hate was proportionate to what the strength of his love
had been. There was no denying the genuineness of that dreadful alchemy;
love in a hard nature indeed may undergo that terrible transformation,
whereas liking can scarcely be transmuted into anything more deadly than
dislike, while it is most hard of all for mere indifference to struggle
into the ranks of the more potent lords of the human soul. It is a
matter of indifference or at most of reprisal, what are the doings of
those who are indifferent to one. Action for damages may ensue, but hate
still slumbers in its cave. But it is when those whom a man loves hurt
him that the hurt festers and spreads poison through the soul. Indeed,
it is only those whom such a man loves who have power to hurt him at
all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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