His tone was so extremely matter-of-fact that its very normalness
arrested Philip. As he had said, it was perfectly true that nothing was
further from his thoughts than melodrama, and the interest he felt in
Tom's attitude, as thus revealed, towards life and death and fear was a
fresh sign, and he himself felt it to be such, of his reawakening
interests. Hitherto it had not, however remotely, concerned him as to
what anyone else might think of it all.
"You talk of fears," he said; "what do you know of them? Surely you, at
any rate, are free from fear. Oh, talk, Tom, interest me in anything;
talk about yourself, or birds, or beasts. You have given me so much:
give me more. Give me the foundation of my new house, since it is
you--yes, you, you dear fellow--who have made me turn my back upon the
ruins. I have got to begin again; I have nothing to begin with. I am
bankrupt. I beg you to give me a bit of that which you have so
abundantly."
His voice again half-failed him, but he recovered it in a moment.
"We were talking about fear," he said; "what have you got to fear? You
don't depend on men and women; you don't love. There is nothing in the
world to be afraid of except love. I have found that out. Yet people
seek it, the fools. They call it by sweet names: they say it is love
that makes life worth living. My God, I should be so content if I had
never known what it was. Damn her! I could have lived exactly like
you--no, that is not true; I could never have been even remotely happy
without loving her, just as, if I had never loved her, I should never
have known what misery was. But you among your birds and beasts and
trees, what on earth have you to fear? You won't fall in love with a
beach-tree and find that it elopes with an elm. Tell me about your
bloodless Paradise, and how the serpent, which is fear, can enter into
it."
Tom Merivale had grown rather grave during this sudden outburst. Nothing
in the world, so he believed, had power to ruffle his temper: only it
was difficult to explain to such a child as Philip had shown himself to
be. But before the pause was on his side the other spoke again.
"I am sorry," he said, "but it was a sort of baffled ignorance that
spoke. I don't understand you; and for that reason I had no business to
call your happiness, which is maddeningly real to me, a bloodless
Paradise. But, for God's sake, show me anything approaching Paradise, at
the door of which there is not an angel with a sword, not flaming, but
cold and convincing. And where, above all, is your fear? How can fear
exist for you? What is there to be afraid of unless you love and can be
betrayed?"
Philip's servant came out from the house, bringing a tray with glasses
and bottles. He paused by his master a moment.
"What time will you be called, sir?" he asked.
"Usual time; you can go to bed."
The pause lasted till the man had entered the house again. Then Merivale
spoke.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account