That view of his, which Madge knew so well he would take when he
learned, one way or another, of the wreck that had come to his face,
might or might not be a shallow view, but that view he would assuredly
take, and construe her love for him into mere pity and forbearance. She
did not love him for his face--he would not say that--but his face was
part of him, and if that was spoiled, so surely was part of her love
spoiled. Body and soul she had loved him, but how could a woman love a
sightless, scarred thing? He would grant, no doubt, that her love for
him went further than that which was now hideous, but would she, to put
it from her own point of view, have scarred and hacked and blinded her
own face, and gone back to him who saw, in perfect confidence that his
love for her would be undiminished and undeterred, knowing that it lay
too deep for any such superficial maiming to injure? She knew well she
would not, for love, however spiritual, includes the body as well as the
spirit, and however fine, cannot but take the body as the outward and
visible sign of the beloved soul, its expression and aura. And how could
he to whom the surface of beauty and loveliness had been by profession
such a study and worship, still think, whatever her asseverations to the
contrary, that her love for him was as complete as it had been? And, to
get nearer the truth, would not he be right? She did not know about that
yet; she had not seen. At present she could not think of his face as
other than it had been; all she knew was that, in spite of herself, she
dreaded with her whole soul the removal of those bandages. What if she
shrank and winced at the sight? Those slim, delicate fingers of the
Angel of Pain tightened the screw, and the kind eyes looked at her,
seeing how she bore it. If there was a terrible moment coming for Evelyn
when his fingers, which were now to be to him his eyes, told him what he
looked like, there was a moment, a double moment, coming for her. She
had first to control herself, to make him believe, whatever she saw,
that she saw no difference; nothing that made her love one jot less
urgent and insistent; she had also, with a feigned conviction that had
got to convince him, to assure him that his fingers were at fault, that
there was no scar where he said there was a scar, that there was no
empty hole.... That she knew. What she did not know was how to face it
all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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