"Ah, how can I tell you that?" he said, "beyond telling you at least
that in my opinion, which after all is only my opinion, it is in joy
that you, almost above everyone I know, will ripen and bear fruit.
Sorrow, asceticism is the road by which some approach happiness, but I
do not see you on that road. Renunciation for you----"
Evelyn got up and came a step closer.
"Yes? Yes?" he cried.
Merivale answered him by another question.
"Something has happened to you," he said. "What is it?"
"I have fallen in love," said the other. "I only knew it to-day. Yes,
her, Madge Ellington. Good God, man, I love her! And I am painting
her--I see her nearly daily alone; it is my business to study her face
and get to know her----"
His voice dropped suddenly.
"What am I to do?" he said after a moment. "Philip, the whole thing----"
"Ah, you can't go on," said Merivale quickly. "You must see that.
Wherever our paths lie, there is honour----"
"Honour?" cried Evelyn almost savagely. "Have I not as good a right to
love her as Philip has? You can't tie one down like that! Besides, how
can I help loving her? Night and day are not less in my control.
Besides, I have no reason to suppose that she loves me, so what harm is
done? But if she does or should----"
Again he stopped, for there was no need to go on; the conclusion of the
sentence was not less clear because it was unspoken. After a moment he
continued.
"And what was your view just now about renunciation for me?" he asked.
Merivale got up.
"I don't know what to say to you," he said. "What do you propose, you
yourself?"
"I propose to tell her what I know--that I love her," said he.
There was a long pause; Merivale was looking out over the dusky garden,
and his lips moved as if he was trying to frame some sentence, yet no
words came. In the East the moon was soon to rise behind the wedge of
beech-wood which came diagonally across the heath, and though it was not
yet visible, the sky was changing from the dark velvet blue which had
succeeded sunset to the mysterious dove colour which heralds the moon. A
night breeze stirred among the shrubs, and the scent of the stocks was
wafted into the verandah, twined, as it were, with the swooning
fragrance of the syringa. But for once Merivale was unconscious of the
witchery of the hour; in spite of himself, the interests, the problems,
the suffering and renunciation of human life, from which he had thought
he had weaned himself, claimed him again. He had tried, and in great
measure succeeded, in detaching himself from them, but he had not
completely broken away from them yet. He had enlisted under the banner
of joy, but now from the opposing hosts there came a cry to him, and he
could not shut his ears to it. Here was the necessity for suffering, it
could not but be that of these two friends of his, suffering poignant
and cruel lay before one of them, though which that one should be he did
not know. But the necessity was dragged before his notice.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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