His words, he knew, were rather brutal; it was rather brutal too to take
advantage of this enforced _tête-à-tête_. But he could not pause to
think of that; he knew only that unless he said these things he could
not trust himself not to say things less brutal, indeed, but harder for
her to hear. He could not quite tell how far he had himself in control.
She had put out one hand as he began, as if to ward off his question;
but as he went on it fell again, and she sat merely receiving what he
said, sitting under it without shelter.
"You have no right to treat me like that," he continued. "We part at my
door, as far as I know, perfectly good friends one day, two days
afterwards I am told that you cannot sit to me again. What can I have
done? Have I done anything? Is it my fault in any way?"
She looked at him once imploringly.
"Please, please don't go on asking me," she said.
But she could not stop him now; his own bare rights justified his
questions, and there was that behind which urged him more strongly than
they.
"Is it my fault in any way?" he repeated.
Then a sort of despairing courage seized the girl; she would nerve
herself to the defence of her secret whatever happened.
"No, it is not your fault," she said.
"Then when you told Philip that it was because I bored you----"
"Did he tell you that?" she asked.
"Yes, he told me. It was not his fault. I made him practically. He could
not have refused me."
She thought intently for a moment, unable to see where her answer would
lead her, or, indeed, what answer to give. In that perplexity she took
the simplest way out, and told the truth.
"Yes, I said that," she said. "But it was not true."
"Then, again, I ask you why?" said he.
She felt that she must break if he went on, and made one more appeal.
"Ah, I beg of you not to question me," she cried. "You talk of justice
too--is it fair on me that you use the accident of finding me alone here
in this way? I can't go away, you know that, there is no one here to
protect me. But if you by a single other question take advantage of it,
I shall leave the house, just as I am, in this deluge, and walk back to
the hotel. I must remind you that I am an unprotected girl, and you, I
must remind you, are a gentleman."
She rose with flashing eyes; it had taxed all her bravery to get this
out, but it had come out triumphant.
But the moment had come; all the force that had been gathering up was
unable to contain itself in him any longer. One terrific second of calm
preceded the explosion, and, as if Nature was following the lines of
this human drama, for that second the downpour of the blinding rain
outside was stayed. Inside and out there was a moment's silence.
"I know all that," he said quietly, "but I can't help myself. It is not
for the picture--that doesn't matter. It is for me. Because I love you."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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