The Arbiter: A NovelBell, Florence Eveleen Eleanore Olliffe, Lady
History
The Arbiter: A Novel
Bell, Florence Eveleen Eleanore Olliffe, Lady
Great Britain -- History -- Victoria, 1837-1901 -- Fiction; Spy stories
as something that after all is of more consequence than we thought. It
unfortunately nearly always happens that we have to face the mental
crises of life inadequately prepared. We think we have pictured them
beforehand, and according to that picture we are ready, in imagination,
with a sufficient equipment of fortitude and decision to enable us to
encounter them. In reality we mostly do no better than a traveller who
going to an unknown land and climate, guesses for himself beforehand
what his outfit had better be, and then finds it deplorably inadequate
when he gets there. Rendel, during those days of lonely agony in London
that followed the revelations sprung on the public by the _Arbiter_, had
endeavoured to school himself to face what the future might have in
store for him; but he had thought that while he was abroad, at any rate,
the horror that pursued him now would be in abeyance. He had never been
to German baths, he had never been to a fashionable resort of the kind;
he had no idea what it meant. All that he had vaguely pictured was that
it would be some sort of respite from the thing that dogged him now, the
fear--for there was no doubt that as the days went on it grew into a
fear--of coming suddenly upon some one he knew, who would look him in
the face and then turn away. And now that they were at the term of their
journey, installed in their little foreign pavilion, he had become aware
that at a stone's throw from him was a numerous cosmopolitan society,
among whom was probably a large contingent from London. He did not try
to learn their names; he would jealously keep aloof from them. Rachel
had been advised to stay here for four weeks at least. Four weeks, no
doubt, is not very long under ordinary circumstances: he had not
imagined that it might seem almost unendurably long to a man who had
been married less than a year to a wife that he loved. And yet, before
he had been there three days, he was conscious that each separate hour
had to be encountered, wrestled with, conquered, before going on to the
next. He had meant to write: there was a point of administration upon
which he had intended to say his say in one of the Reviews. But somehow
in that sitting-room, with the windows opening down to the garden, the
steady work, which in his own study would have been a matter of course,
seemed almost impossible. Then he thought he would read. He read aloud
to Rachel for part of the day; but he did not dare to choose anything
that was much good to himself, as he had been told that the more
inactive her mind was the better. Something he would have to do; he
would have to organise his daily life in some way that would make the
burden of it endurable. He made up his mind to take long walks--the
hotel and pavilion lay on the outskirts of the town--to go into the
outlying country and explore it on foot. But in the evenings when Rachel
was gone to bed, and when, alone at last, he would try to concentrate
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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