Election Day Beyond the Styx. Hades has two newspapers to mirror forth the daily doings of the Stygian smart set. Owing to the uncounted population of the resort, these publications have circulations which would make the most yellow of earthly journals grow pink with envy. Here are some clippings from recent issues of the rival newspapers: THE CIMMERIAN CHATTERBOX PUBLISHED EVERY LITTLE WHILE TO KEEP PACE WITH THE LARGEST CIRCULATION LIES OF THE AMERICAN PRESS. _Edited by Horace Greeley and other defeated politicians, who tell the truth if the man is not a subscriber, and print all the news that doesn’t make a lightning coupling with the waste basket._ Domestic News: Registering the Vote—It is no sinecure to be registrar of voters in Hades. If you think it is, ask “Boss” Tweed, who threw up his job to Matt Quay, who is sticking it out, though it take all eternity. Many of those who take up their residence on the banks of the Styx know little about themselves and less about their ancestors. Notwithstanding this, there are few people in Hades who haven’t stood up before the registrar to have their noses counted, and the endeavor has been to have every Tom, Dick, and Harry, as well as every Jane, Mary, and Anne on the list. The age of Anne and also the more famous age of Elizabeth gave the registrar some trouble at first, but after telling the “eternal feminine” that no affidavit or birth certificate is required with the age declaration, the statistics became less alarming to the fair sex. There are some people, however, who think that to right a lie it is only necessary to write one and so requested blanks which they later mailed to Quay, the head nose enumerator. In this way they could tell what their age has been, without the annoyance of seeing the ungallant smile of unbelief depicted on the registrar’s face as he marks down “age 16” in his book and mentally adds fifteen as in the days when he studied oral arithmetic. Many a woman’s figure belies the statement that “figures can’t lie.” While the unwritten law of chivalry makes it rude to ask a lady’s age, the law of Hades gives a man the right to estimate her age if the lady slams the door in his face. Woman’s rights are still a subject for debate. You can tell the age of a horse by his teeth, but no man can tell a woman’s age by her lack of gray hairs. STYGIAN SIFTINGS. PRINTERS’ PI COOKED TO A CRISP FOR THE DELECTATION OF LOVERS OF REALISM, AND SERVED HOT FROM THE GRIDDLE OF OUR REPORTER’S IMAGINATION. DEVIL-BAKED by Arthur Big Brain and Willie Randy’s Nurse.