The Asbestos Society of Sinners: detailing the diversions of Dives and others on the playground of Pluto, with some broken threads of drop-stitch history, picked up by a newspaper man in Hades and woven into a Stygian nights' entertainmentFogg, Lawrence Daniel
General
The Asbestos Society of Sinners: detailing the diversions of Dives and others on the playground of Pluto, with some broken threads of drop-stitch history, picked up by a newspaper man in Hades and woven into a Stygian nights' entertainment
Fogg, Lawrence Daniel
Hell -- Fiction; Humorous stories
I have been to Hades in search of a sensation, but even the devil
couldn’t keep a newspaper man down and so once more I am in the
territory of the tired—New York. It may interest you to know that I am
holding down the city desk of the Universe, the former incumbent having
disappeared shortly before my return from the domain of the departed.
He left a letter addressed to his successor and I feel that I am
violating no confidence in divulging its contents:
“What impels me to record the experiences of this, my last night on
earth, I do not know. Perhaps it is to counterfeit courage, for when a
man receives a ‘ticket to the hereafter’ he feels the need of something
to brace his backbone, just as a boy will whistle in make-believe
bravery on rounding a dark corner.
“I felt more than ordinarily weary, for I seemed to be losing my grip
on my work and on—life! For several minutes I had been idly toying
with a pearl-handled revolver which I used as a paper weight, when a
rustling of paper made me turn. On the floor was a letter.
“‘That’s odd,’ I muttered. ‘The shades who deliver letters from
our Stygian correspondent usually lay them upon my desk like any
well-regulated ghost would do.’
“As I stooped to pick up the epistle, I noticed that my blue pencil lay
upon my pen, the two forming a cross. Then I knew what had exorcised
the shade and frightened it away. To an imaginative man, the episode
was uncanny. And it was night!
“Using the penholder as a paper cutter, I tore open the envelope and
took out the letter. It began without formalities:
“‘I suppose my interviews with Cimmerian citizens were pronounced
the most sensational fakes of the year. Did you state whether the
manuscript from the domain of the departed had a sulphurous tinge or
was redolent with spices and perfumes? The wireless correspondence from
Hades-on-Styx must have created much excitement on earth. People may
doubt the genuineness of my description of Hades, but they will have
a hot time proving me wrong, although nowadays not even the parson
believes in a scorch for every sin. Don’t you want to come and take my
place as scribe to Satan? I have been fighting down a desire to have
you visit this subterranean resort, for did one but express the wish,
it would be gratified in this, the Land of Fulfilled Desire. If Pluto
says “Come”—’
“Obeying a sudden impulse, I struck a match and held the letter in
the flame. Instantly it was snatched from my hand, though I could see
no one. At the same moment every electric light in the building went
out, leaving the place in darkness. On the air was a pungent odor of
brimstone.
“‘The devil!’ I ejaculated. That invocation sealed my fate: it was the
Styx and the Simple Life for mine, via the Jersey ferry. And it was
night!”
In the lore of Longfellow, “All the rest is mystery.”
LAWRENCE DANIEL FOGG.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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