The Atlantic Monthly, Volume 10, No. 59, September, 1862: A Magazine of Literature, Art, and PoliticsVarious
History
The Atlantic Monthly, Volume 10, No. 59, September, 1862: A Magazine of Literature, Art, and Politics
Various
American periodicals
When she went back to bury the dream that I so suddenly drew out of the
balmy land, I had only to shade the light, stir the fire a little, and
then wait. From afar up the street came the stroke of one. Miss Axtell's
face was turned away from me. I could only fancy that her eyes were
closed. Once she put an arm over the pillow. I touched it. It burned
with fever-heat. Then all was still. I sat upon a lounge,
comfort-giving, related to the chair in style of covering. I fancied,
after a long quiet, that my patient was asleep. I kept myself awake by
examining this room that I was in. It was, like most of the other rooms,
a hexagon, with two windows looking eastward. An air of homeness was
over, and in, its every appointment. It seemed a room to sing in; _were_
songs ever heard there? I laid my head upon my hand, and listened to one
that Fancy tried to sing,--I, who never sing, in whose soul music rolls
and swells in great ocean-waves, that never in this world will break
against the shore of sound; and so I builded one, very wild and porous
and wavering, a style of iceberg shore, far out in the limitless,
waters, and listened to the echoes that came,--and, listening, must have
fallen into sleep.
I awoke with a chill feeling, as if the fire had gone down. A draught
seemed blowing upon me. I got up with a full sense of my position as
keeper of that fire, and went to it. The door into the hall was open. I
glanced at the bed; Miss Axtell was not there. The hall was dark. I
caught up the lamp and hurried out. I leaned over the balustrade and
looked down the stairway. Slowly going down I saw Miss Axtell. Was she a
somnambulist? Perhaps so. I must be cautious. I hastened after her,
moving as noiselessly as she. I took the precaution to leave the lamp in
the upper hall. She was leaning against the wall-side of the staircase.
Just as she reached the lower step, I put my arm around her. There was
no need; she was fully awake.
"Will you go back to sleep?" she asked of me, before I could find time
to make the same request of her.
"No,--I came here for you. Where are you going?"
"In there"; and she pointed to the room where I had seen the doctor and
Katie go,--where she who was dead lay.
"Oh, come back! please do! that is no place for you"; and I endeavored
to turn her steps.
"It is well that you say it. She's in there; perhaps she isn't dead.
Such things have been. It was sudden, you know. Let me go."
I held her with all the strength I had.
"Leave me to myself. I'm going to tell her,--to tell her _now_. She'll
hear me better than to-morrow; they'll have a fathom of earth over her
heart then: that will be deeper than all that love of Abraham which
covered up her heart from me."
What could I do? Despite my holding arms, she was gaining toward that
fatal door, and the light was very dim. I called Katie three times, Miss
Axtell still getting near to that I dreaded.
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