The Atlantic Monthly, Volume 16, No. 94, August, 1865: A Magazine of Literature, Art, and PoliticsVarious
General
The Atlantic Monthly, Volume 16, No. 94, August, 1865: A Magazine of Literature, Art, and Politics
Various
American periodicals
Can I make this letter more practically useful by a few rules? It would
seem, that, if conversation is an art, like other arts, there must be
rules and methods to attain to it. This is true; but I must first remind
you that mere facility, propriety, or elegance of speech is but a small
part of the discipline required to make an agreeable and profitable
talker. You must have something to express, something that you long to
utter, something that you feel it would be for the advantage of others
to hear. For the furnishing of mind and heart comes before any special
power to _bring out_ of one's treasury things new or old. In other
words, the power to converse well is not an isolated and independent
power; it has a close relation to the entire character, moral and
intellectual. An enlightened conscience would make many persons better
talkers than they are now, for it would present the matter in the light
of a duty. A consciousness of intellectual power or of ample learning
makes one more ready to open his mouth before intelligent men; for,
whether rightly or not, one does not like to talk before others of
subjects on which he knows that they are better informed than he. And
yet it is no good reason for maintaining silence in the company of some
eminent scholar, that he _knows_ so much more than you. You are
naturally shy of expressing your opinion on the "origin of species," or
the "antiquity of man," before some great naturalist. But why not come
to him as a learner, then? The art of putting questions well is no small
part of the art of conversation. You can derive information from him in
the most direct and impressive manner, while at the same time you are
showing a pleasing deference to his superior knowledge. Or suppose the
case reversed, and that you are the more learned of the two, may you not
benefit some young scholar by questioning him so skilfully that he
shall seem to have imparted all the information evolved, instead of
receiving it? The "wisest of mankind" always declared that he merely
drew out the sentiments of those he talked with. He assisted in the
delivery of their thoughts. He simply helped them to that most valuable
knowledge,--the knowledge of themselves. He was forever putting
questions to them, with a result which often surprised and sometimes
made them angry, but which, at any rate, effectually served the
interests of truth. And, upon the whole, I do not know any rule for
making a good talker which deserves a more prominent place than this:
Put your questions properly, and ask many questions. Observe how
naturally nearly all conversation begins with an inquiry. "When did you
arrive?" "Are you a stranger here?" "How far did you walk to-day?"
"Which view did you most enjoy?" "Did you hear any news from the seat of
war?" The simple reason of this method, as already intimated, is, that
it puts the questioner in a more modest position. He whom you question
has the agreeable consciousness of being able to impart something which
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