The Atlantic Monthly, Volume 16, No. 98, December, 1865: A Magazine of Literature, Science, Art, and PoliticsVarious
General
The Atlantic Monthly, Volume 16, No. 98, December, 1865: A Magazine of Literature, Science, Art, and Politics
Various
American periodicals
as a rock; it is only periodically and indefinably, Frank, that it has
seemed otherwise; and now I would lay down my life to restrain these
words, to be worthy of the love I renounce. Some other and better man
must win what I have been too weak to keep. This afternoon has proved to
me that I do not belong exclusively to you."
Was I base and unfeeling, or only weak, as I had said? Frank Darry
turned away, and walked to the long French window, looking out in the
moonlight upon the very spot, perhaps, where I had so passionately
declared my love. I could see her tremble with emotion. Yet I dared not
speak or go to her. Perhaps five minutes passed,--it might have been an
hour,--when, pale, but composed, she came to the sofa, upon which I had
thrown myself.
"You love Annie Bray, then, Sandy?" she asked, calmly.
"No," I answered, "I do not love her; but I feel that I have done
violence to what might have grown into love between us. I do not intend
to see her. I do not wish to ask for what would assuredly not be
granted. I desire only to go away, to be alone and quiet."
"You are, indeed, forever rushing to extremes, Sandy," she said, slowly.
"We have both done wrong: I, in tempting you, without, of course, a
thought of self," she added, proudly, "to set aside this first and
strongest interest; and you, in your acceptance of fascination as love.
We have done wrong; but you are now right, for you are true. Let me be
so also. I consider it no disgrace to my womanhood to admit the pain
your avowal gives me, yet I thank you for making it. Remember, Sandy, if
a true affection spring up within you, do not crush it from a morbid
remembrance of this: it would be a poor revenge for me to desire."
She spoke sadly. I could not reply to her. Such generosity was, indeed,
like coals of fire on my head. Say as I might to myself that her strong
will had held me spellbound,--reason as I might that it was only because
she had developed, made me, as it were, that this motherly, yearning,
protecting love had been lavished upon me,--there was still the fact,
that this rich, strong nature had given of its best treasure in answer
to my passionate pleading, had wasted it on me.
"Frank Darry," I said, "why I do not entirely love what I completely
reverence and admire I cannot tell. To live without you seems like
drifting through life without aim or guide. I would gladly think that
one who suffered through my joy, one far better than I, should yet win
what he longed for."
Then only did her paleness vary.
"Sandy, spare me, at least just now, such complete renunciation.
Remember, I have not confessed what you have."
She took my hand: it was, I know, burning, while hers was cold as
marble. She stooped and kissed my forehead.
"Good night, and good bye, Sandy. The time may come, when, as teacher
and pupil, we shall think of each other tenderly."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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