"Then you'll have to bear me up. When a man's drowning he grabs and
holds on. That's me! There's nothing fine about me, understand? I'm
human and selfish. I'd be happy in hell with you."
"You're not fair."
"I don't pretend to be. This isn't a bridge game; this is life. I'll
cheat, I'll hold out, I'll deal from the bottom, if I can't win in any
other way. Good God! Don't you understand that you're the only thing I
ever loved, the only thing I ever wanted and couldn't get? I've never
had but half of you; don't expect me to give that up." He rose, jammed
his hat upon his head as if to escape from the room, then turned and
crushed his wife to him with a fierce cruelty of possession. Lorelei
could feel him shaking as he covered her face with kisses, but nothing
within her stirred even faintly in answer to his passion.
When Bob reached the financial district that day and resumed his quest
for work he was ablaze with resentment at himself and at the world in
general.
He took up the search with a dogged determination that was quite unlike
him. One after another he canvassed his friends for a position, and
finally, as if ill fortune could not withstand his fervor, he was
successful. It was not much of a job that was offered him, but he
snapped at it, and returned home that evening in the best of humor.
Already the serious issues of the morning were but a memory; he burst
in upon Lorelei like a gale, shouting:
"I'm chalk-boy at Crosset & Meyers, so you can give Bergman your notice
to-night."
"What's the salary?"
"It isn't a salary; it's a humiliation--twenty-five a week is the total
insult."
"Why, Bob! That won't keep two and the family--"
"Damn the family!" He quieted himself with an effort. "Well, you give
your notice, anyhow. I'll spear the coin for both establishments
somehow. Come! I insist. I want to be able to shave myself without
blushing."
Lorelei's objections were not easily overcome, but at last, in view of
the fact that the summer run of the Revue was drawing to a close and
the show would soon take to the road, she allowed herself to be
persuaded.
Throughout the next week Bob Wharton really tried to make good. He was
enthusiastic; the excitement of actual accomplishment was so novel that
he had not time to think of liquor. When Saturday came and he found
himself in possession of honestly earned funds he felt a
soul-satisfying ease. He decided to invest his first savings in a
present for Lorelei, then a graver sense of responsibility seized him,
and he wrote to Mrs. Knight as follows:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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