At life’s gay banquet placed, a poor unhappy guest,
One day I pass, then disappear;
I die, and on the tomb where I at length shall rest
No friend shall come to shed a tear.
You remember the same thing in other words some where in Kirke White’s
poems. It is the burden of the plaintive songs of all these sweet
albino-poets. “I shall die and be forgotten, and the world will go on
just as if I had never been;—and yet how I have loved! how I have longed!
how I have aspired!” And so singing, their eyes grow brighter and
brighter, and their features thinner and thinner, until at last the veil
of flesh is threadbare, and, still singing, they drop it and pass onward.
* * * * *
—Our brains are seventy-year clocks. The Angel of Life winds them up
once for all, then closes the case, and gives the key into the hand of
the Angel of the Resurrection.
Tic-tac! tic-tac! go the wheels of thought; our will cannot stop them;
they cannot stop themselves, sleep cannot still them; madness only makes
them go faster; death alone can break into the case, and, seizing the
ever-swinging pendulum, which we call the heart, silence at last the
clicking of the terrible escapement we have carried so long beneath our
wrinkled foreheads.
If we could only get at them, as we lie on our pillows and count the dead
beats of thought after thought and image after image jarring through the
overtired organ! Will nobody block those wheels, uncouple that pinion,
cut the string that holds those weights, blow up the infernal machine
with gunpowder? What a passion comes over us sometimes for silence and
rest!—that this dreadful mechanism, unwinding the endless tapestry of
time, embroidered with spectral figures of life and death, could have but
one brief holiday! Who can wonder that men swing themselves off from
beams in hempen lassos?—that they jump off from parapets into the swift
and gurgling waters beneath?—that they take counsel of the grim friend
who has but to utter his one peremptory monosyllable and the restless
machine is shivered as a vase that is dashed upon a marble floor? Under
that building which we pass every day there are strong dungeons, where
neither hook, nor bar, nor bed-cord, nor drinking-vessel from which a
sharp fragment may be shattered, shall by any chance be seen. There is
nothing for it, when the brain is on fire with the whirling of its
wheels, but to spring against the stone wall and silence them with one
crash. Ah, they remembered that,—the kind city fathers,—and the walls
are nicely padded, so that one can take such exercise as he likes without
damaging himself on the very plain and serviceable upholstery. If
anybody would only contrive some kind of a lever that one could thrust in
among the works of this horrid automaton and check them, or alter their
rate of going, what would the world give for the discovery?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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