I recollect, as all do, the story of the Hall of Eblis, in “Vathek,” and
how each shape, as it lifted its hand from its breast, showed its
heart,—a burning coal. The real Hall of Eblis stands on yonder summit.
Go there on the next visiting-day, and ask that figure crouched in the
corner, huddled up like those Indian mummies and skeletons found buried
in the sitting posture, to lift its hand,—look upon its heart, and
behold, not fire, but ashes.—No, I must not think of such an ending!
Dying would be a much more gentlemanly way of meeting the difficulty.
Make a will and leave her a house or two and some stocks, and other
little financial conveniences, to take away her necessity for keeping
school.—I wonder what nice young man’s feet would be in my French
slippers before six months were over! Well, what then? If a man really
loves a woman, of course he wouldn’t marry her for the world, if he were
not quite sure that he was the best person she could by any possibility
marry.
—It is odd enough to read over what I have just been writing.—It is the
merest fancy that ever was in the world. I shall never be married. She
will; and if she is as pleasant as she has been so far, I will give her a
silver tea-set, and go and take tea with her and her husband, sometimes.
No coffee, I hope, though,—it depresses me sadly. I feel very
miserably;—they must have been grinding it at home.—Another morning walk
will be good for me, and I don’t doubt the schoolmistress will be glad of
a little fresh air before school.
* * * * *
—The throbbing flushes of the poetical intermittent have been coming over
me from time to time of late. Did you ever see that electrical
experiment which consists in passing a flash through letters of gold-leaf
in a darkened room, whereupon some name or legend springs out of the
darkness in characters of fire?
There are songs all written out in my soul, which I could read, if the
flash might pass through them,—but the fire must come down from heaven.
Ah! but what if the stormy _nimbus_ of youthful passion has blown by, and
one asks for lightning from the ragged _cirrus_ of dissolving
aspirations, or the silvered _cumulus_ of sluggish satiety? I will call
on her whom the dead poets believed in, whom living ones no longer
worship,—the immortal maid, who, name her what you will,—Goddess, Muse,
Spirit of Beauty,—sits by the pillow of every youthful poet, and bends
over his pale forehead until her tresses lie upon his cheek and rain
their gold into his dreams.
MUSA.
O my lost Beauty!—hast thou folded quite
Thy wings of morning light
Beyond those iron gates
Where Life crowds hurrying to the haggard Fates,
And Age upon his mound of ashes waits
To chill our fiery dreams,
Hot from the heart of youth plunged in his icy streams?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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