Was it not better that it was not he? Between them there was a fixed
gulf. For a long time she had ceased to reproach him, but the direction
of her thoughts was contrary to his, and their conversations, formerly
so intimate, so deep, which were to him an inspiration, had for the most
part, lost their power to interest and uplift him. Many forgotten
details now came back to his memory, expressions of sadness, of words,
indirectly imploring. Yes, he had burdened her last months with a
sorrow, the weight of which she bore without complaint, but which had
finally crushed her. He could not mourn her without a secret remorse.
Formerly, when he was still quite a young man, giving way to a naturally
quick temper, which he had great difficulty in controlling, he had
spoken rudely to her. What shame he had felt! But she, anxious not to
wound his pride, came to him as soon as he was quiet, so that he might
be spared the first step. Then he learned to despise his faults. And now
they were separated forever without a true reconciliation.
He had reached the limit of his despair and was utterly crushed, when
Elizabeth came in quietly to join him. She made him sit down, and too
weary to resist, he meekly obeyed. Their thoughts so long separated,
were at one in the same sorrow. It was one of those unfathomable griefs,
in which the only comfort is to weep with another, and they could not
mingle their tears. Stricken by the same blow, the embrace which would
have brought them comfort, which so many friends can exchange, was
forbidden to them. Thus Albert had a keener realization of his solitude.
"Nobody," he said to himself to arouse himself from his suffering, "can
know what I have lost. I alone shall carry away the memory and knowledge
of the will power which sustained her little body, so fragile beneath
the sheet, the fire which animated those closed eyes. Anne could not
come with me. She pities me from a distance, but she did not know her.
She only knew of her unfriendliness toward her, and her rigid
uprightness. Our love is disarmed before this dear, dead woman who
belongs solely to me. And she who is here is nothing more to me than a
stranger."
"The Stranger," shielded by the beloved presence of the dead, commenced
to tell him in a low voice of the beginning of the illness and its
successive phases. She told of the invalid's composure, her spirit of
calm, her preparation, her desire to see her son again, the good-by she
had sent him. She omitted everything that had reference to their
separation and to her own devotion. She spoke with so much tact and
filial love, that, as he listened, Albert was getting comfort in grief,
which can come to us only by deepening our suffering. Overcome by his
injustice, he murmured:
"You have taken my place. I know you have been a daughter to her. She
said so in all her letters to me. Now I believe it. I thank you."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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