After a brief glimpse of spring, the wind and rain had taken possession
of Grenoble. One could hardly distinguish the neighboring mountains
under the leaden sky. Thus the trip to Saint Martin was delayed,
although Elizabeth was anxious to go away, and was eager for the open
air. Encouraged by the change in the weather, she began her preparations
on the 1st of May. A letter, which she received on the 8th, addressed to
Mme. Albert Derize, née Molay-Norrois, Boulevard des Adieux, from
whence it came back to her, altered her plans. It was a letter with the
English postmark, with the address in a handwriting not entirely unknown
to her, and which at once disquieted her. She held it in her hand
defiantly before opening it, and did not decide to break the seal
without a presentiment of evil. She was not mistaken: the foreign paper,
those straight flowing letters, which she had seen before, had already
broken up her life. She turned the pages which were numerous, and read
the signature: "Anne de Sézery." Then she let the letter drop. How
could she have had the audacity to write to her? By what right did she
inflict such an insult upon her? Crushed, she sat down, but
involuntarily looked on the ground. At last she bent over and picked up
the paper which lay there. A few months ago she would have decided not
to read it. But she had nothing more to hope, nor to fear. In certain
excesses of sorrow, we lose the narrow sense of our dignity which we
reserve for our intimate life alone. She began reading this strange
letter with suspicion and aversion, ready at the least stinging word to
discontinue and not to finish it. She read to the end without stopping.
"LONDON, 6th May, 1907.
"Madame:
"When you receive this letter I shall have left for a far distant
country, where no one can follow me and from which I shall never return.
That is my excuse for addressing you, and it is--believe me--your
obligation to read this letter in its entirety.
"As a result of living in England, I have acquired the habit of candor.
I therefore did not want an intermediary between us, for fear of
wounding you. The circumstances in which we find ourselves are beyond
the pettiness of delicacy, and demand courage, above all things. I must
have more than you. If I speak to you of certain things of the past, it
is that they may be useful to you in the future. If you have to make a
decision, you must be informed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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