The Awakening: (The Resurrection)Tolstoy, Leo, graf
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The Awakening: (The Resurrection)
Tolstoy, Leo, graf
Forgiveness -- Fiction; Russia -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
"Why, she is a dead woman," thought Nekhludoff as he looked at her
once lovely, but now defiled, bloated face with the unhealthy sparkle
in her black, squinting eyes, which looked now at the inspector, now
at Nekhludoff's hand with the crumpled bill. And a moment of
hesitation came over him.
Again the tempter of the night before whispered in his soul,
endeavoring to turn the question, What would be the best thing to do?
into, What will be the end of it?
"You can do nothing with that woman," whispered the voice. "She will
be like a stone around your neck, which will drag you down, and
prevent your being useful to others. Give her all the money you have,
bid her good-by and put an end to it for all time."
And immediately he became aware that something important was taking
place in his soul; that his inner life was on a wavering scale, which
could by the slightest effort be made to overbalance to one side or
the other. And he made that effort, calling on that God whom the other
day he felt in his soul, and God immediately came to his aid. He
resolved to tell her all.
"Katiousha! I came to ask your forgiveness, but you have not answered
me whether you have forgiven me, or ever will forgive me," he said
suddenly.
She was not listening to him, but looked now at his hand, now at the
inspector. When the latter turned away, she quickly stretched forth
her hand, seized the money from Nekhludoff's hand and stuck it behind
her belt.
"How funny!" she said, smiling contemptuously as it seemed to him.
Nekhludoff saw that there was something inimical to him in her, which
stood guard, as it were, over her as she was now, and prevented him
from penetrating into her heart.
But--wonderful to relate--so far from repulsing him, this only drew
him to her by some new peculiar force. He felt that he ought to awaken
her spirit; that it was extremely difficult to do so; but the very
difficulty of the undertaking attracted him. He experienced a feeling
toward her which he had never experienced before, either toward her or
any one else, and in which there was nothing personal. He desired
nothing of her for himself, and only wished her to to cease to be what
she was now, and become what she had been before.
"Katiousha, why do you speak thus? I know you, I remember you as you
were in Panoff----"
But she did not yield--she would not yield.
"Why recall the past!" she said dryly, frowning even more.
"Because I wish to efface, to expiate my sin. Katiousha----" he began,
and was about to tell her that he would marry her, but he met her eyes
in which he read something so terrible, rude and repulsive that he
could not finish.
At that moment the visitors began to take leave. The inspector
approached Nekhludoff and told him that the time for interviewing was
ended. Maslova rose and submissively waited to be dismissed.
"Good-by. I have a great deal to tell you yet, but, as you see, I
cannot do it now," said Nekhludoff, and extended his hand. "I will
call again."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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