"Oh, willow, willow, o'er the lea! And willow once again! The Peer will fall in love with me! Why wasn't I made plain?" * * * * * A cunning woman lived hard by, A sorceressing dame, MACCATACOMB DE SALMON-EYE Was her uncommon name. To her good JANE, with kindly yearn For BILL'S increasing pain, Repaired in secrecy to learn How best to make her plain. [Illustration] "Oh, JANE," the worthy woman said, "This mystic phial keep, And rub its liquor in your head Before you go to sleep. "When you awake next day, I trow, You'll look in form and hue To others just as you do now--But not to PILLALOO! "When you approach him, you will find He'll think you coarse--unkempt-- And rudely bid you get behind, With undisguised contempt." The LORD DE PILLALOO arrived With his expensive train, And when in state serenely hived, He sent for BILL and JANE. "Oh, spare her, LORD OF PILLALOO! (Said BILL) if wed you be, There's anything _I'd_ rather do Than flirt with LADY P." The Lord he gazed in Jenny's eyes, He looked her through and through: The cunning woman's prophecies Were clearly coming true. LORD PILLALOO, the Rustic's Bane (Bad person he, and proud), _He laughed Ha! ha! at pretty_ JANE, _And sneered at her aloud!_ He bade her get behind him then, And seek her mother's stye-- Yet to her native countrymen She was as fair as aye! MACCATACOMB, continue green! Grow, SALMON-EYE, in might, Except for you, there might have been The deuce's own delight! [Illustration] THE LOVE-SICK BOY When first my old, old love I knew, My bosom welled with joy; My riches at her feet I threw; I was a love-sick boy! No terms seemed too extravagant Upon her to employ-- I used to mope, and sigh, and pant, Just like a love-sick boy! But joy incessant palls the sense; And love unchanged will cloy, And she became a bore intense Unto her love-sick boy? With fitful glimmer burnt my flame. And I grew cold and coy, At last, one morning, I became Another's love-sick boy! [Illustration] PHRENOLOGY "Come, collar this bad man-- Around the throat he knotted me Till I to choke began-- In point of fact, garrotted me!" So spake SIR HERBERT WHITE To JAMES, Policeman Thirty-two-- All ruffled with his fight SIR HERBERT was, and dirty too. Policeman nothing said (Though he had much to say on it), But from the bad man's head He took the cap that lay on it. "No, great SIR HERBERT WHITE-- Impossible to take him up. This man is honest quite-- Wherever did you rake him up?