"Its tone's esoteric in force-- I trust that I make myself clear?" MORELL only answered, "Of course," While POND slowly muttered, "Hear, hear." "Volition--celestial prize, Pellucid as porphyry cell-- Is based on a principle wise." "Quite so," exclaimed POND and MORELL. "From what I have said you will see That I couldn't wed either--in fine, By Nature's unchanging decree _Your_ daughters could never be _mine_. "Go home to your pigs and your ricks, My hands of the matter I've rinsed." So they take up their hats and their sticks, And _exeunt ambo_, convinced. [Illustration] PUT A PENNY IN THE SLOT If my action's stiff and crude, Do not laugh, because it's rude. If my gestures promise larks, Do not make unkind remarks. Clockwork figures may be found Everywhere and all around. Ten to one, if I but knew, You are clockwork figures too. And the motto of the lot, "Put a penny in the slot!" Usurer, for money lent, Making out his cent per cent-- Widow plump or maiden rare, Deaf and dumb to suitor's prayer-- Tax collectors, whom in vain You implore to "call again"-- Cautious voter, whom you find Slow in making up his mind-- If you'd move them on the spot, Put a penny in the slot! Bland reporters in the courts, Who suppress police reports-- Sheriff's yeoman, pen in fist, Making out a jury list-- Stern policemen, tall and spare, Acting all "upon the square"-- (Which in words that plainer fall, Means that you can square them all)-- If you want to move the lot, Put a penny in the slot! [Illustration] GOOD LITTLE GIRLS Although of native maids the cream, We're brought up on the English scheme-- The best of all For great and small Who modesty adore. For English girls are good as gold, Extremely modest (so we're told), Demurely coy--divinely cold-- And we are that--and more. To please papa, who argues thus-- All girls should mould themselves on us, Because we are, By furlongs far, The best of all the bunch; We show ourselves to loud applause From ten to four without a pause-- Which is an awkward time because It cuts into our lunch. Oh, maids of high and low degree, Whose social code is rather free, Please look at us and you will see What good young ladies ought to be!