At length arrived the wedding day; Accoutred in the usual way Appeared the bridal body; The worthy clergyman began, When in the gallant Captain ran And cried, "Behold your TODDY!" The bridegroom, p'raps, was terrified, And also possibly the bride-- The bridesmaids _were_ affrighted; But ANGELINA, noble soul, Contrived her feelings to control, And really seemed delighted. "My bride!" said gallant CAPTAIN TODD, "She's mine, uninteresting clod! My own, my darling charmer!" "Oh dear," said she, "you're just too late-- I'm married to, I beg to state, This comfortable farmer!" "Indeed," the farmer said, "she's mine; You've been and cut it far too fine!" "I see," said TODD, "I'm beaten." And so he went to sea once more, "Sensation" he for aye forswore, And married on her native shore A lady whom he'd met before-- A lovely Otaheitan. [Illustration] ANGLICISED UTOPIA Society has quite forsaken all her wicked courses, Which empties our police courts, and abolishes divorces. (Divorce is nearly obsolete in England.) No tolerance we show to undeserving rank and splendour; For the higher his position is, the greater the offender. (That's a maxim that is prevalent in England.) No Peeress at our Drawing-Room before the Presence passes Who wouldn't be accepted by the lower-middle classes; Each shady dame, whatever be her rank, is bowed out neatly. In short, this happy country has been Anglicised completely! It really is surprising What a thorough Anglicising We've brought about--Utopia's quite another land; In her enterprising movements, She is England--with improvements, Which we dutifully offer to our mother-land! Our city we have beautified--we've done it willy-nilly-- And all that isn't Belgrave Square is Strand and Piccadilly. (They haven't any slummeries in England.) We have solved the labour question with discrimination polished, So poverty is obsolete and hunger is abolished-- (They are going to abolish it in England.) The Chamberlain our native stage has purged, beyond a question, Of "risky" situation and indelicate suggestion; No piece is tolerated if it's costumed indiscreetly-- In short, this happy country has been Anglicised completely! It really is surprising What a thorough Anglicising We've brought about--Utopia's quite another land; In her enterprising movements, She is England--with improvements, Which we dutifully offer to our mother-land!