Coal scuttles, recollect, Produce the same effect. A man possessed Of common sense Need not invest At great expense-- It does not call For pocket deep, These jokes are all Extremely cheap. If you commence with eighteenpence (it's all you'll have to pay), You may command a pleasant and a most instructive day. [Illustration] A good spring gun breeds endless fun, and makes men jump like rockets, And turnip-heads on posts Make very decent ghosts: Then hornets sting like anything, when placed in waistcoat pockets-- Burnt cork and walnut juice Are not without their use. No fun compares with easy chairs whose seats are stuffed with needles-- Live shrimps their patience tax When put down people's backs-- Surprising, too, what one can do with fifty fat black beedles-- And treacle on a chair Will make a Quaker swear! Then sharp tin tacks And pocket squirts-- And cobblers' wax For ladies' skirts-- And slimy slugs On bedroom floors-- And water jugs On open doors-- Prepared with these cheap properties, amusing tricks to play, Upon a friend a man may spend a most delightful day! [Illustration] THE NATIONAL ANTHEM A monarch is pestered with cares, Though, no doubt, he can often trepan them; But one comes in a shape he can never escape-- The implacable National Anthem! Though for quiet and rest he may yearn, It pursues him at every turn-- No chance of forsaking Its _rococo_ numbers; They haunt him when waking-- They poison his slumbers-- Like the Banbury Lady, whom every one knows, He's cursed with its music wherever he goes! Though its words but imperfectly rhyme, And the devil himself couldn't scan them; With composure polite he endures day and night That illiterate National Anthem!