Now I'm prepared to bet a guinea, Were this a mere dramatic case, The page would have eloped with MINNIE. But, no--he only left his place. The simple Truth is my detective, With me Sensation can't abide; The Likely beats the mere Effective, And Nature is my only guide. [Illustration] [Illustration] MISTER WILLIAM Oh, listen to the tale of MISTER WILLIAM, if you please, Whom naughty, naughty judges sent away beyond the seas. He forged a party's will, which caused anxiety and strife, Resulting in his getting penal servitude for life. He was a kindly goodly man, and naturally prone, Instead of taking others' gold, to give away his own. But he had heard of Vice, and longed for only once to strike-- To plan _one_ little wickedness--to see what it was like. He argued with himself, and said, "A spotless man am I; I can't be more respectable, however hard I try; For six and thirty years I've always been as good as gold, And now for half-an-hour I'll deal in infamy untold! "A baby who is wicked at the early age of one, And then reforms--and dies at thirty-six a spotless son, Is never, never saddled with his babyhood's defect, But earns from worthy men consideration and respect. "So one who never revelled in discreditable tricks Until he reached the comfortable age of thirty-six, Is free for half-an-hour to perpetrate a deed of shame, Without incurring permanent disgrace, or even blame. "That babies don't commit such crimes as forgery is true, But little sins develop, if you leave 'em to accrue; And he who shuns all vices as successive seasons roll, Should reap at length the benefit of so much self-control. "The common sin of babyhood--objecting to be drest-- If you leave it to accumulate at compound interest, For anything you know, may represent, if you're alive, A burglary or murder at the age of thirty-five. "Still, I wouldn't take advantage of this fact, but be content With some pardonable folly--it's a mere experiment. The greater the temptation to go wrong, the less the sin; So with something that's particularly tempting I'll begin. "I would not steal a penny, for my income's very fair-- I do not want a penny--I have pennies and to spare-- And if I stole a penny from a money-bag or till, The sin would be enormous--the temptation being _nil_. "But if I broke asunder all such pettifogging bounds, And forged a party's Will for (say) Five Hundred Thousand Pounds, With such an irresistible temptation to a haul, Of course the sin must be infinitesimally small. "There's WILSON who is dying--he has wealth from Stock and rent-- If I divert his riches from their natural descent, I'm placed in a position to indulge each little whim." So he diverted them--and they, in turn, diverted him. [Illustration]