The Mystic Youth avowed the truth, And, claiming ruth, he said, "In sooth I love your daughter, aged man: Refuse to join us if you can. Treat not my offer, sir, with scorn, I'm wealthy though I'm lowly born." "Young sir," the aged scholar said, "I never thought you meant to wed: Engrossed completely with my books, I little noticed lovers' looks. I've lived so long away from man, I do not know of any plan By which to test a lover's worth, Except, perhaps, the test of birth. I've half forgotten in this wild A father's duty to his child. It is his place, I think it's said, To see his daughters richly wed To dignitaries of the earth-- If possible, of noble birth. If noble birth is not at hand, A father may, I understand (And this affords a chance for you), Be satisfied to wed her to A BOUCICAULT or BARING--which Means any one who's very rich. Now, there's an Earl who lives hard by,-- My child and I will go and try If he will make the maid his bride-- If not, to you she shall be tied." They sought the Earl that very day; The Sage began to say his say. The Earl (a very wicked man, Whose face bore Vice's blackest ban) Cut short the scholar's simple tale, And said in voice to make them quail, "Pooh! go along! you're drunk, no doubt-- Here, PETERS, turn these people out!" [Illustration] The Sage, rebuffed in mode uncouth, Returning, met the Mystic Youth. "My darling boy," the Scholar said, "Take MARY--blessings on your head!" The Mystic Boy undid his vest, And took a parchment from his breast, And said, "Now, by that noble brow, I ne'er knew father such as thou! The sterling rule of common sense Now reaps its proper recompense. Rejoice, my soul's unequalled Queen, For I am DUKE OF GRETNA GREEN!" [Illustration] THE PHILOSOPHIC PILL I've wisdom from the East and from the West, That's subject to no academic rule; You may find it in the jeering of a jest, Or distil it from the folly of a fool. I can teach you with a quip, if I've a mind; I can trick you into learning with a laugh; Oh, winnow all my folly, and you'll find A grain or two of truth among the chaff! I can set a braggart quailing with a quip, The upstart I can wither with a whim; He may wear a merry laugh upon his lip, But his laughter has an echo that is grim. When they're offered to the world in merry guise, Unpleasant truths are swallowed with a will-- For he who'd make his fellow-creatures wise Should always gild the philosophic pill! [Illustration] [Illustration] THE KING OF CANOODLE-DUM