The barber's chair; and, The hedgehog lettersJerrold, Douglas William
General
The barber's chair; and, The hedgehog letters
Jerrold, Douglas William
English literature -- 19th century; English wit and humor
It’s a settled belief with a good many pious people, who are as careful
of their religion as of their best service of china--only using it
on holiday occasions, for fear it should be chipped or flawed in
working-day wear--it’s a belief with them that a Papist is a sort of
human toad, an abomination in the form of man. Dr Croly has surely
a notion of this sort. A few days ago he appeared on Covent Garden
stage (I think his first appearance there since his comedy of “Pride
shall have a Fall”), and called upon the Lord, with thunder and
lightning and the sword, to kill His enemies--meaning Roman Catholics!
And then the Doctor showed how Providence had punished all naughty
kings who had cast an eye of favour on the Pope. Capping this, the
Doctor more than hinted that George the Fourth, the first gentleman
in Europe--for he had a greater number of coats than all the rest of
the kings put together--was somewhat suddenly called from his loving
people because he had passed the bill that ’mancipated the Catholics.
Well, when we think how many Catholics there are in the world--when
we remember the millions of ’em scattered about the earth--it does
appear to me a little bold in a worm of a man (whether the said worm
wears clergyman’s black or not) praying to the Lord to destroy, crush,
burn, whole nations of men and women because he wasn’t born to think
as they do. But so it is with some folks very proud indeed of their
Christianity. Hear them talk and pray, and you would think that Satan
himself, the father of wickedness, had been the creator of ninety-nine
men out of a hundred, and it was the pure, elect, and lucky hundredth
that religiously begged for the destruction of the ninety-nine. But
all the noise is about the largeness of the sum--the £26,000. The
£9000 was every year quietly voted--for I call the cackling of two
or three Parliament geese as nothing--and still the Church stands
unshaken on her foundation. By this it would seem that with some folks
it is the money that wrong costs, and not the wrong itself, that is
objectionable. Thinking after this fashion, drunkenness is not to be
thought a vice if it be drunkenness gratis; it, however, increases in
enormity with the increase of its price: thus gin-drunkenness is merely
wrong, but burgundy-drunkenness is infamous to the last degree. Haven’t
I read somewhere of an old Greek philosopher--if some of these chaps
had lived in these times, they’d now and then have found themselves at
the police-office--who felt mightily disposed for what was immoral,
and only held back at the purchase-money! I think he said he wouldn’t
“buy repentance at so dear a price.” Now, if he could have had the sin
at a cheap pennyworth, the sin itself had been light, indeed. It’s the
weight of money that makes the weight of crime.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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