The barber's chair; and, The hedgehog lettersJerrold, Douglas William
General
The barber's chair; and, The hedgehog letters
Jerrold, Douglas William
English literature -- 19th century; English wit and humor
“The honour of the Most High!” Surely, Isaac, the best way to show such
honour is to love your fellow-creatures as the greatest work--so far
as we know--of the Most High; and not, poor small things as we are, to
walk about the earth, and when we poke up our noses highest in the face
of heaven, think we have then the best right to tread the hardest on
the necks of everybody that don’t agree with us. To hear a few folks
talk in Parliament, you’d think that they’d assured to themselves all
Paradise as a freehold, and standing upon their rights, would set
up in it man-traps and spring-guns against all intruders. However,
never mind, Isaac. There was a time when a King of England would
have drawn a tooth a day out of your jaws, if you didn’t undraw your
purse-strings; and now--so do this wicked world roll on--you may wear a
Lord Mayor’s chain, and, as a magistrate, commit vagrants to gaol like
any Christian.--Your friend,
JUNIPER HEDGEHOG.
LETTER XX.--_To Mrs Hedgehog, New York._
DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--September’s so near we can almost put our hand upon
it, and yet I’m in London. It’s a dreadful confession of poverty, but
I can’t help it. If I’m not ashamed to be seen on my stand, I’m not a
licensed cabman. The only comfort there is, everybody that stays in
town must be as poor as myself, and that, according to some folk’s
notions, is a blessing to think of. A purse that was dropped on the
pavement of Regent Street lay there a week, and was at last picked up
by a policeman. London never looked so poor and dull; for all the world
like a fine lady in an undress gown, with all her paint wiped off. The
opera is shut up, and the manager has had a silver bed-candlestick
given him by lords and dukes, because he has been so full of public
spirit as to make his own fortune. By the way, grandmother, I don’t
know how it is with the player-folks in New York; but here with us,
if a man or woman want a bit of plate they’ve only to take a theatre.
A playhouse is a short cut to a silversmith’s. There isn’t a London
manager who isn’t plated after this fashion, which shows there is no
place for true gratitude like the green-room; but I ask your pardon
for talking of such matters, knowing what a low place you think the
theatre. Parliament, like a goose that has been set upon too many eggs,
has risen with half of ’em come to nothing. But this, grandmother, is
the old trick. When the Parliament first opens, and Ministers come
down with new law after law, why, what busy, bustling folks they seem!
What a look of business it gives to the whole thing! But half of ’em
is only for show; just so many dummies to take in what shopkeepers
call “an enlightened public.” You know the bottles of red and blue
that they have in apothecaries’ shops? Well, half the folks think ’em
physic, when they’re nothing in the world but coloured water. Sir
James Graham’s Medical Bill was just one of these things: nothing
real in it; but something made up for show; just to give a colouring
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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