So by the middle of the morning Avery was on her way. It seemed to her
the longest journey she had ever travelled. She chafed at every pause.
And through it all, Ina's fierce words ran in a perpetual refrain through
her brain: "Love never casts away--Love never casts away."
She felt as if the girl had ruthlessly let a flood of light in upon her
gloom, dazzling her, bewildering her, hurting her with its brilliance.
She had forced aside those drawn blinds. She had pierced to the innermost
corners. And Avery herself was shocked by that which had been revealed.
It had never before been given to her to see her own motives, her own
soul, thus. She had not dreamed of the canker of selfishness that lay at
the root of all. With shame she remembered her assurance to her husband
that her love should never fail him. What of that love now--Love the
Invincible that should have shattered the gates of the prison-house and
led him forth in triumph?
Reaching town, she drove straight to Crowther's rooms. But she was met
with disappointment. Crowther was out. He would be back in the evening,
she was told, but probably not before.
Wearily she went down again and out into the seething life of the streets
to spend the longest day of her life waiting for his return. Looking back
upon that day afterwards, she often wondered how she actually spent the
time. To and fro, to and fro, this way and that; now trying to ease her
soul by watching the soldiers at drill in the Park, the long, long khaki
lines and sunburnt faces; now pacing the edge of the water and seeking
distraction in the antics of some water-fowl; now back again in the
streets, moving with the crowd, seeing soldiers, soldiers on every hand,
scanning each almost mechanically with the vagrant hope of meeting one
who moved with a haughty pride of carriage and looked like a prince in
disguise. Sometimes she stood to see a whole troop pass by, splendid boys
swinging along with laughter and careless singing. She listened to the
tramping feet and merry voices with a heart that sank ever lower and
lower. She had started the day with a quivering wonder if the end of it
might find her in his arms. But ever as the hours passed by the certainty
grew upon her that this would not be. She grew sick with the longing to
see his face. She ached for the sound of his voice. And deep in the heart
of her she knew that this futile yearning was to be her portion for many,
many days. For over a year he had waited, and he had waited in vain. Now
it was her turn.
It was growing dusk when she went again in search of Crowther. He had not
returned, but she could not endure that aimless wandering any longer. She
went in to wait for him, there in the room where Piers had found
sanctuary during some of the darkest hours of his life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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