The lawyer swears, you may rely on't, He never squeezed a needy client: And this he makes his constant rule, For which his brethren call him fool; His conscience always was so nice, He freely gave the poor advice; By which he lost, he may affirm, A hundred fees last Easter term. While others of the learned robe Would break the patience of a Job; No pleader at the bar could match His diligence and quick despatch; Ne'er kept a cause, he well may boast, Above a term or two at most. The cringing knave, who seeks a place Without success, thus tells his case: Why should he longer mince the matter? He failed because he could not flatter: He had not learned to turn his coat, Nor for a party give his vote. His crime he quickly understood; Too zealous for the nation's good: He found the ministers resent it, Yet could not for his heart repent it. The chaplain vows he cannot fawn, Though it would raise him to the lawn: He passed his hours among his books; You find it in his meagre looks: He might, if he were worldly-wise, Preferment get, and spare his eyes: But owned he had a stubborn spirit, That made him trust alone in merit: Would rise by merit to promotion; Alas! a mere chimeric notion. The doctor, if you will believe him, Confessed a sin, and God forgive him: Called up at midnight, ran to save A blind old beggar from the grave: But, see how Satan spreads his snares; He quite forgot to say his prayers. He cannot help it, for his heart, Sometimes to act the parson's part, Quotes from the Bible many a sentence That moves his patients to repentance: And, when his medicines do no good, Supports their minds with heavenly food. At which, however well intended, He hears the clergy are offended; And grown so bold behind his back, To call him hypocrite and quack. In his own church he keeps a seat; Says grace before and after meat; And calls, without affecting airs, His household twice a day to prayers. He shuns apothecaries' shops; And hates to cram the sick with slops: He scorns to make his art a trade, Nor bribes my lady's favourite maid. Old nurse-keepers would never hire To recommend him to the Squire; Which others, whom he will not name, Have often practised to their shame.