_Coleridge was dreaming of the time when he was a minister. "Ah, Charles, you never heard me preach." "My dear fellow," cried Lamb, "I never heard you do anything else_." * * * * * _Sydney Smith said that the whole of his life had been spent like a razor--in hot water or a scrape._ * * * * * _As a means of bragging of his acquaintance, a man was remarking to the company that, although he had often dined at the Duke of Devonshire's, there had never been any fish. "Is it not_ extraordinary?" _he asked. Jerrold said, "Hardly. They ate it all upstairs_." * * * * * _A jealous general was abusing Wolfe to the King. "The man is mad," he declared bitterly. George sighed. "I wish," he said, "that I could persuade him to bite all my generals."_ * * * * * _A rich man, formerly a cheesemonger, was discussing the Poor Law with Lamb, and boasted that he had got rid of all the sentimental stuff called the milk of human kindness. "Yes," said Lamb sadly, "you turned it into cheese long ago_." * * * * * _Jerrold said of some one who sent his wife effusive letters but not a farthing of money, that he was full of "unremitting kindness_." * * * * * _A Turkish proverb says, "The devil tempts the busy man, but the idle man tempts the devil_." * * * * * _Gladstone once asked, "In what country except ours would (as I know to have happened) a Parish Ball have been got up in order to supply funds for a Parish Hearse?_" * * * * * "_They're rising in Connaught," shouted a scaremonger, dashing into Chesterfield's room. Quietly he drew out his watch. "Nine o'clock," he said gently. "They ought to be_." * * * * * "_He is one of those people," said Jerrold of a mistaken philanthropist, "who would vote for a supply of tooth-picks in a time of famine"; and of another--"He would hold an umbrella over a duck while it was raining_." * * * * * "_Hark at Boswell," muttered Wilkes, "telling every one how he has had his handkerchief picked from his pocket--it's merely brag, to show us he had one_." * * * * * "_Do you approve of clergymen riding?" Sydney Smith was asked. "Well, it depends," he replied thoughtfully; "yes, if they turn their toes out_." * * * * * "_The testator meant to keep a life interest in the estate himself," remarked the judge, who was trying a will case._ "_Surely, my lord," said the barrister, "you are taking the will for the deed_." * * * * * _Sydney Smith said of an obstinate man, "You might as well try to poultice the humps off a camel's back_." A MASTER WITH BRAINS [Sidenote: _Memorials of Edward Burne-Jones_]