New York (N.Y.) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; United States -- History -- War of 1812 -- Fiction
For at least a quarter of an hour he tormented himself with the pictures
his imagination drew of what was passing behind that illuminated screen.
Then he went gloomily to his room and sat down with jealousy, and began
to count up his suspicions. A miserable companion is jealousy! And a
miserable tale of wrongs she gave him to reckon up. But at least he
reached one truth in that unhappy occupation--it was, that the
engagement between Sappha and himself ought to be immediately made
public. All their little misunderstandings, all his humiliations, had
come through their relationship being kept secret. He felt that he was
missing much of the pleasure of his wooing; certainly he was deprived of
the _éclat_ that it ought to have brought him. It was all wrong! All
wrong! And it must be put right at once. He promised himself he would
see to that necessity the first thing he did in the morning.
With this promise his insurgent heart suffered him to sleep a little,
yet sleep did him no good. He awoke with the same consuming fever of
resentment. He could not eat, nor yet drink; he had no use for anything
but thought: jealous thought, with that eternal hurry of the soul that
will not suffer rest--thoughts of love and sorrow, starting in every
direction from his unhappy heart, to find out some hope, and meeting
only suspicion, anger, and despair. It was his first experience of that
egotistical malady,
“whose torment, no men sure
But lovers and the damned endure.”
And he was astonished and dismayed at his suffering.
But few men suffer patiently; they are usually quick for their own
relief, and accordingly very early the following morning Leonard made an
excuse for calling on Sappha. Mrs. Bloommaert had gone, however, to
Nassau Street, and he did not need to urge the excuse prepared. He
launched at once into his wrongs and his sufferings; and indeed the
latter had left some intelligible traces. Sappha was moved by his pale
face and troubled eyes to unusual sympathy; but this did not suffice. He
felt that the only way to prevent a recurrence of the night’s suffering
was to insist upon a public acknowledgment of his rights as her accepted
lover, and he told Sappha this in no equivocal words.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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