The Benefit of the Doubt; a Comedy in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
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The Benefit of the Doubt; a Comedy in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
English drama -- 19th century
[_Jumping up, and speaking volubly, excitedly, boisterously._] Suppose
that wire don’t find Emily, and she doesn’t meet me at the Nord
to-morrow night. Ugh! cheerful! She may be dead, No, no; not Emily. Poor
old Emily! Be sure you look me up if you _should_ pass through. Rue
Poissonnière, 18. You’re bound to be rambling soon. How lucky a man is!
Does just as he chooses. Good chap, So-and-so—awfully rackety—but the
world would be a dooced deal livelier if there were more like him!
That’s what they all say of a man!... phew!... [_As she rattles on, she
takes off her bonnet and clears her hair from her brow._] But a woman!
Well, look at _me_. Not that anybody _will_ look at me, in Paris or
elsewhere. I used to know several smart people in Paris! Now! Oh, my
stars, won’t they stalk distant objects when they see me coming along!
[_Angrily._] Ah, a gay time I shall have of it, shut up with Emily
Graveney, with her red nose, and her poor, narrow chest, and her
perpetual sniffle! [_She flings away her cigarette. Her hair is
disordered, her breath comes quickly, there is a wild look in her eyes.
Her bonnet falls to the floor. He paces the room distractedly._] By
Jove, I won’t have a dull time though! I shall only hang out with Emily
long enough just to turn round. Then I’ll take a little _appartement_ of
my own. Uncle Fletcher will make me an allowance; I won’t touch a penny
of—puh—_his_ money. I’ll let the world see how happy I am without the
character I’ve been robbed of! Yes, robbed of! [_Laughing noisily._] Ha,
ha, ha! [_Snapping her fingers._] Pish! I shall burst out laughing in
the face of the whole world, Jack—put my tongue out at the world, your
wife, my husband! After the solemn farce we’ve all gone through.
[_Between her teeth._] Y—y—yes, they shall have a pretty picture in
their minds of _me_, t’other side of the Channel, with my finger to my
nose like a cheeky urchin! Oh, my heavens, how I hate ’em—hate ’em—hate
’em!
JOHN.
Mrs. Fraser——! Mrs. Fraser——!
THEOPHILA.
Oh, the devilish injustice of it! To think that we’re still married,
Jack—you and I! Hah! the mockery! To think that we wander about the
world still with our owner’s marks branded upon us! Ha, ha! I believe
I’ve an “F” branded upon my shoulder—burnt in! [_Running to him._] Oh, I
won’t bear it! I can’t bear it!
JOHN.
Hush, hush!
THEOPHILA.
I shall go mad if I can’t pay out that wife of yours! [_Shrilly._] She’s
ruined me! I will be even with her!
JOHN.
Hush——!
THEOPHILA.
And with _him_!—that fish!—that cold, flapping fish! [_Clinging to him,
suddenly._] Jack——! I wouldn’t bore you! I wouldn’t bore you, Jack——!
JOHN.
Bore me!
THEOPHILA.
Ah-h-h-h! take me away! Let’s you and I go together——!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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