England -- Fiction; Love stories; Scholars -- Fiction
"Now go! yes; I suppose so. That is, I may go. That is what you mean.
Well, I suppose I had better go." Not a moment since he was towering
with passion, and his voice, if not loud, had been masterful,
determined, and imperious. Now it was low and gentle enough. Even
now, could she have been tender to him, he would have relented. But
she could not be tender. It was her profession to be a Juno. Though
she knew that when he was gone from her her heart would be breaking,
she would not bring herself down to use a woman's softness. She could
not say that she had been wrong, wrong because distracted by her
misery, wrong because he was away from her, wrong because disturbed
in her spirits by the depth of the love she felt for him; she could
not confess this, and then, taking his hand, promise him that if he
would remain close to her she would not so sin again. Ah! if she
could have done this, in one moment her head would have been on his
shoulder and his arm round her waist; and in twenty minutes more Miss
Baker would have been informed, sitting as she now was up in her
bedroom, that the wedding-day had been fixed.
But very different news Miss Baker had to hear. Had things turned out
so, Miss Waddington would have been a woman and not a goddess. No;
great as was the coming penalty, she could not do that. She had been
railed at and scolded as never goddess was scolded before. Whatever
she threw away, it behoved her to maintain her dignity. She would not
bend to a storm that had come blustering over her so uncourteously.
Bertram had now risen to go. "It would be useless for me to trouble
your aunt," he said. "Tell her from me that I would not have gone
without seeing her had I not wished to spare her pain. Good-bye,
Caroline, and may God bless you;" and, so saying, he put out his hand
to her.
"Good-bye, Mr. Bertram." She would have said something more, but she
feared to trust herself with any word that might have any sound of
tenderness. She took his hand, however, and returned the pressure
which he gave it.
She looked into his eyes, and saw that they were full of tears;
but still she did not speak. Oh, Caroline Waddington, Caroline
Waddington! if it had but been given thee to know, even then, how
much of womanhood there was in thy bosom, of warm womanhood, how
little of goddess-ship, of cold goddess-ship, it might still have
been well with thee! But thou didst not know. Thou hadst gotten there
at any rate thy Juno's pedestal; and having that, needs was that thou
shouldst stand on it.
"God bless you, Caroline; good-bye," he repeated again, and turned to
the door.
"I wish to ask you one question before you go," she said, as his hand
was on the handle of the lock; and she spoke in a voice that was
almost goddess-like; that hardly betrayed, but yet that did betray,
the human effort. Bertram paused, and again turned to her.
"In your accusation against me just now--"
"I made no accusation, Caroline."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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