“These things were matters of long, long ago, and I came to this
country soon after. I brought with me, premature age, a past
of melancholy memories, and the magic spectacles. I had become
their slave. I had nothing more to fear. Having seen myself, I
was compelled to see others, properly to understand my relations
to them. The lights that cheer the future of other men had gone
out for me. My eyes were those of an exile turned backwards upon
the receding shore, and not forwards with hope upon the ocean. I
mingled with men, but with little pleasure. There are but many
varieties of a few types. I did not find those I came to clearer
sighted than those I had left behind. I heard men called shrewd and
wise, and report said they were highly intelligent and successful.
But when I looked at them through my glasses, I found no halo of
real manliness. My finest sense detected no aroma of purity and
principle; but I saw only a fungus that had fattened and spread in
a night. They all went to the theater to see actors upon the stage.
I went to see actors in the boxes, so consummately cunning, that
the others did not know they were acting, and they did not suspect
it themselves.
“Perhaps you wonder it did not make me misanthropical. My dear
friends, do not forget that I had seen myself. It made me
compassionate, not cynical. Of course I could not value highly
the ordinary standards of success and excellence. When I went to
church and saw a thin, blue, artificial flower, or a great sleepy
cushion expounding the beauty of holiness to pews full of eagles,
half-eagles, and threepences, however adroitly concealed in
broadcloth and boots: or saw an onion in an Easter bonnet weeping
over the sins of Magdalen, I did not feel as they felt who saw in
all this, not only propriety, but piety. Or when at public meetings
an eel stood up on end, and wriggled and squirmed lithely in every
direction, and declared that, for his part, he went in for rainbows
and hot water—how could I help seeing that he was still black and
loved a slimy pool?
“I could not grow misanthropical when I saw in the eyes of so
many who were called old, the gushing fountains of eternal youth,
and the light of an immortal dawn, or when I saw those who were
esteemed unsuccessful and aimless, ruling a fair realm of peace
and plenty, either in themselves, or more perfectly in another—a
realm and princely possession for which they had well renounced a
hopeless search and a belated triumph. I knew one man who had been
for years a by-word for having sought the philosopher’s stone. But
I looked at him through the spectacles and saw a satisfaction in
concentrated energies, and a tenacity arising from devotion to a
noble dream, which was not apparent in the youths who pitied him in
the aimless effeminacy of clubs, nor in the clever gentlemen who
cracked their thin jokes upon him over a gossiping dinner.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account