"He might have filled his pockets with cherries, and then climbed.
No--I reject Tommy, he was unworthy of you. I may have been a horrid
little Casino brat, I may even have worn a white satin sailor-suit with
trousers down to my ankles--"
"Oh!" Ruth winced.
"I may have danced too well, and I understood too early the art of
complimenting ladies whose hats were too big and whose eyes were too
bright.... But once, after Annunciata Maddalena's nose had bled over
this same sailor-suit, I said it was my own nose, because I knew how
bitterly she was ashamed of her one bourgeois lapse...."
"Tommy would have disowned her, instead of owning the nose. Oh, I grant
you the nobler nature ... but it breaks my heart that you didn't have
the wild English garden and the cherries and the grubby old dark-blue
jersey."
"If we have a kiddie--" Dickie began softly, his mouth puckered to its
special elvish little smile. Then he met her eyes lapping him round
with such velvet tenderness--that Dickie suddenly knew he was loved,
knew that impulsively she was going to tell him so, and breathlessly
happier than he had ever been before, waited for it--
"I _did_ kill my husband. They acquitted me, but I was guilty. It was
an accident. I was so afraid. They would never have believed it could
be an accident. But I had to, in self-defence."
And now she had told him she loved him.
Only Dickie was too numb to recognise the form her confession of love
had taken; love, as always, was clamouring to be clearly seen--naked,
if need be, blood-guilty, if need be--but _seen_ ... and then swept up,
sin and all, by another love big enough to accept this truth, also, as
essentially part of her.
Ruth waited several seconds for Dickie to speak. Then she got up, and
strolled over to the picture, and said, examining intently, as though
for the first time, the woman in the doorway: "I'm not sorry, Dickie.
That is to say, I'm sorry, of course, if I've shattered an illusion of
yours, but--I can't be melodramatic, you know, not even to the extent
of using the word 'murderess' on myself. If I hadn't killed Lucas--"
"He would have killed you?" So he was able to utter quite natural and
coherent sounds! Dickie was surprised.
"Yes--" But Ruth found that, after all, she could not tell Dickie much
about Lucas. Lucas had not been a pleasant gentleman to live with--and
there were things that Dickie was too fine himself, and too innocent,
to realise. The only comprehension in this thoroughly well-groomed
atmosphere of soft carpets and dim silken panels and miniatures and
rare frail china might have come from the woman in the doorway of that
incongruous picture ... a woman sullenly patient, brutalised, but--yes,
her man might quite easily have been another Lucas.
For that which Dickie had always thought of as mysterious, elusive,
was, to Ruth's eyes, only sorrowful wisdom.
"Come here, Ruth."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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