"I didn't stop long, it's true. There was a devil of a row one night,
and a man who knew me rounded on me and called me a thief. While the
row wos goin' on in come the landlord with 'is fightin' potman, and I
was bundled out neck and crop. It ain't easy to get a honest living,
guv'nor. I wasn't flush of tin, when I lost my situation; 'arf a quid
was all I 'ad, and that was soon blooed. Then I 'ad sech a spell o'
bad luck that it drove me fairly wild. Windsor races wos on, and I
thought I'd try my luck there, so I borrowed a old pack o' cards, a
deal board, and a couple of tressels, and tramped it to the course,
startin' in the night to get there in time. I give yer my word I wos
'most starved, and as for my togs--well, I 'ad to tie the soles of my
boots to the uppers with bits of string. Between the races I set up my
table, and begun to show my card tricks. Unfortunately I ain't wery
good at patter, and you know, guv'nor, no one better, wot a long way
that goes with a crowd. I tried to make clever speeches, but couldn't,
and the consekence wos that the day wos nearly over, and eightpence
was all I managed to screw out o' the mangy lot. A tanner o' that went
in 'ard-biled eggs, and bread, and a go o' stooed eels, and there wos
I with tuppence left to take me back to London. It wos Saturday, and
there wos no chance of gittin' anythink to-morrer. A tight 'ole,
wasn't it? A life like mine ain't all beer and skittles, I can tell
yer.
"Down-'earted as I wos, I went on with my tricks, and never did 'em
better in all my life. But it wos no go; them as gathered round
wouldn't part. I wos beggin' of 'em to chuck in their coppers when who
should I see among 'em but Maxwell. 'E didn't speak to me jest then
and 'e didn't give me nothink; presently 'e went away, and come back
with Morgan, and they stood watchin' me shuffle the pasteboards. Then
they looked at each other, and sed somethink I didn't 'ear. Morgan
walked off, leavin' Maxwell be'ind. 'E took me aside.
"Yer down on yer luck," said 'e.
"Never 'ad sech a cussed run in all my born days," sed I, showin' my
rags.
"You're clever with the pasteboards," sed 'e.
"Wish I could git my livin' out of 'em," sed I.
"Per'aps yer can," sed 'e. "If I orfer yer a job will yer take it?"
"Will a duck swim?" I answered.
'E scanned me all over, jest as if 'e was measurin' me for somethink,
and sed, "You ain't over-partickler, I suppose?"
"Me over-partickler!" I cried. "That's a good 'un. Wot sort of a job?"
"Pickin' feathers," he said, as serious as a judge.
"Wot sort of bird?" I arst.
"Pigeon," he answered. "A fine fat 'un."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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