As, indeed, they were before the end of the month. She suffered no
pain, but became so feeble that she could not take a step without
support. She did not keep her bed; by the doctor's permission, and at
her own wish, she sat at the window during the day in an easy chair
which I obtained for her. There she could watch the advance of spring
and breathe the balmy air; there she could see Ellen and me, whom she
sent frequently into the open, saying it would do us harm to keep
constantly in doors in such lovely weather. We never went far from
her; the slightest motion of her hand, or her gentle voice calling
"John" or "Ellen," brought us to her side, eager to do what she
required. There was always a smile upon her face, a smile of peace,
and content, and love, and I think her last days on earth were the
happiest she had ever spent. She said as much: "I am quite, quite
happy, dear children; do not grieve for me. In everything before me I
see the goodness of God; I seem to see His face." When she raised her
eyes to the bright clouds it was my firm belief that she beheld a
spiritual vision of His glory, and when she lowered them to earth she
saw a deeper meaning than we in the evidences of His wondrous power.
She drew keen delight from the flowers and birds, from the air which
floated from the sea, from the early budding of the trees. Not a
murmur passed her lips, not a word of complaining. "I shall see all
these things with a clearer eye presently," she said, "and bye and bye
you will see them with me. Bear your trials patiently; do your work in
the world, and let your mind dwell upon His love and goodness." She
relied greatly upon me. It was I who carried her from room to
room--Ellen not being strong enough for the task; it was I who sat by
her side when she insisted upon Ellen taking a little rest during the
day. Ellen needed this, for I knew, without being told, that she
watched by her mother's bedside night after night without closing her
eyes. Every evening I read aloud a chapter from the Bible; not in the
stateliest church was truer devotion felt than in the room in which
she lay dying. Once when we were alone, she said:
"Do you love Ellen?"
"With more than my heart, mother; with my soul."
It was her wish that I should call her "mother." On one occasion it
escaped me inadvertently, and she asked me always to address her so.
"Ellen loves you," she said. "You are a good man. I leave her in your
care."
She spoke constantly of Ellen, and related stories of her childhood,
drawing from love's memory instances of Ellen's sweetness and
unselfish affection.
"We have been very poor," she said, "but we had always one priceless
blessing--love."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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