The Big Drum: A Comedy in Four ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Big Drum: A Comedy in Four Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama
[_Turning to the fire,_ PHILIP _talks rapidly and
energetically to_ ROOPE _in undertones._
BERTRAM.
[_Into the telephone._] Filson.... Mr. Filson.... I'm speaking from
Gray's Inn.... Gray's Inn--Mr. Mackworth's chambers--2, Friars
Court.... You're wanted, Dunning.... Now--immediately.... Yes, jump
into a taxicab and come up, will you?...
ROOPE.
[_To_ PHILIP, _aloud, opening his eyes widely._] My dear Phil----!
PHILIP.
[_With a big laugh._] Ha, ha, ha, ha----!
BERTRAM.
[_To_ PHILIP, _angrily._] Quiet! I can't hear. [_Into the telephone._]
I can't hear; there's such a beastly noise going on--what?... Dash it,
you can get something to eat at _any_ time! I mean to _say_--!...
Eh?... [_Irritably._] Oh, of course you may have a wash and brush
up!... Yes, he _is_.... You're coming, then?... Right! Goo'bye.
ROOPE.
[_To_ PHILIP, _who has resumed his communication to_
ROOPE_--incredulously._] Dear excellent friend----!
[_The door-bell rings again._
PHILIP.
Ah--! [_Pausing on his way to the vestibule door--to_ BERTRAM.] Mr.
Dunning will favour us with his distinguished company?
BERTRAM.
[_Behind the table on the left, loweringly._] In a few minutes. He's
washing.
PHILIP.
Washing? Some of his customers' dirty linen? [_As he opens the
vestibule door,_ JOHN _admits_ SIR RANDLE FILSON _at the outer door._]
Ah, Sir Randle!
SIR RANDLE.
[_Heartily._] Well, Philip, my boy! [_While_ JOHN _is taking his hat,
overcoat, etc._] Are my dear wife and daughter here yet?
PHILIP.
Not yet.
SIR RANDLE.
I looked in at Brooks's on my way to you. I hadn't been there for
months. [_To_ JOHN.] My muffler in the right-hand pocket. Thank you.
[_Entering and shaking hands with_ PHILIP.] Ha! They gave me quite a
warm welcome. Very gratifying. [ROOPE _advances._] Mr. Roope! [_Shaking
hands with_ ROOPE _as_ PHILIP _shuts the vestibule door._] An
unexpected pleasure!
ROOPE.
[_Uneasily._] Er--I am rather an interloper, I'm afraid, my dear Sir
Randle----
SIR RANDLE.
[_Retaining his hand._] No. [_Emphatically._] _No._ This is one of
Philip's many happy inspirations. If my memory is accurate, it was at
your charming flat in South Audley Street that he and my darling
child--[_discovering_ BERTRAM, _who is now by the settee on the left._]
Bertie! [_Going to him._] I haven't seen you all day, Bertie dear.
[_Kissing him on the forehead._] Busy, eh?
BERTRAM.
[_Stiffly._] Yes, father.
PHILIP.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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