The Big Drum: A Comedy in Four ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Big Drum: A Comedy in Four Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama
[_Turning the chair on the nearer side of the fireplace so that it
faces the fire._] The cook wasn't punctual! [_Installing herself in the
chair._] _Ah, la, la! Ces cuisinieres causent la moitie des ennuis sur
cette terre!_
PHILIP.
Oh, yes, the cook was punctual. [_His manner hardening a little._] The
truth is, we are waiting for a Mr. Dunning.
LADY FILSON.
Mr.----?
SIR RANDLE.
Mr.----?
OTTOLINE.
[_From her chair, where she is almost completely hidden from the
others--comfortably._] Good gracious! Who's Mr. Dunning, Philip?
[JOHN _and the waiter open the big doors. The
dining-table, round which the chairs are now arranged,
is prettily lighted by shaded candles._
PHILIP.
[_To_ JOHN, _sharply._] John----
JOHN.
Yessir?
PHILIP.
Tell the cook to keep the dinner back for a little while. Do you hear?
JOHN.
[_Astonished._] Keep dinner back, sir?
PHILIP.
Yes. And when Mr. Dunning calls--[_distinctly_] Dunning----
JOHN.
Yessir.
PHILIP.
I'll see him. Show him in.
JOHN.
Yessir.
PHILIP.
You may serve dinner as soon as he's gone. I'll ring.
[JOHN _and the waiter withdraw into the kitchen,
whereupon_ PHILIP, _after watching their departure,
deliberately closes the big doors._ ROOPE, _who has been
picking at his nails nervously, rises and steals away to
the left, and_ SIR RANDLE, _advancing a step or two,
exchanges questioning glances with_ LADY FILSON.
OTTOLINE.
[_Laughingly._] What a terrible shock! I was frightened that Philip had
sprung a strange guest upon us. [_As_ PHILIP _is shutting the doors._]
_Vous etes bien mysterieux, Phil?_ Why are we to starve until this Mr.
Dunning has come and gone?
PHILIP.
Because if I tried to eat without having first disposed of the reptile,
Otto, I should choke.
LADY FILSON.
[_Bewildered._] Reptile?
OTTOLINE.
Philip!
PHILIP.
[_At the chair beside the smoking-table--to_ LADY FILSON.] I apologize
very humbly for making you and Sir Randle, and dear Ottoline, parties
to such unpleasant proceedings, Lady Filson; but the necessity is
forced upon me. [_Coming forward._] Mr. Dunning is one of those
crawling creatures who conduct what are known as confidential
inquiries. In other words, he's a private detective--an odd sort of
person to present to you!----
LADY FILSON.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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