Wal, arter I gin glory up, thinks I at least there 's one Thing in the bills we aint hed yit, an' thet 's the GLORIOUS FUN; Ef once we git to Mexico, we fairly may persume we All day an' night shall revel in the halls o' Montezumy. I 'll tell ye wut _my_ revels wuz, an' see how you would like 'em; _We_ never gut inside the hall: the nighest ever _I_ come Wuz stan'in' sentry in the sun (an', fact, it _seemed_ a cent'ry) A ketchin' smells o' biled an' roast thet come out thru the entry, An' hearin', ez I sweltered thru my passes an' repasses, A rat-tat-too o' knives an' forks, a clinkty-clink o' glasses: I can't tell off the bill o' fare the Gin'rals hed inside All I know is, thet out o' doors a pair o' soles wuz fried, An' not a hunderd miles away frum ware this child wuz posted, A Massachusetts citizen wuz baked an' biled an' roasted; The on'y thing like revellin' thet ever come to me Wuz bein' routed out o' sleep by thet darned revelee. They say the quarrel 's settled now; fer my part I 've some doubt on 't, 'T 'll take more fish-skin than folks think to take the rile clean out on 't; At any rate, I 'm so used up I can't do no more fightin', The on'y chance thet 's left to me is politics or writin'; Now, ez the people 's gut to hev a milingtary man, An' I aint nothin' else jest now, I 've hit upon a plan; The can'idatin' line, you know, 'ould suit me to a T, An' ef I lose, 't wunt hurt my ears to lodge another flea; So I 'll set up ez can'idate fer any kin' o' office (I mean fer any thet includes good easy-cheers an' soffies; Fer ez to runnin' fer a place ware work 's the time o' day, You know thet 's wut I never did,--except the other way); Ef it 's the Presidential cheer fer wich I 'd better run, Wut two legs anywares about could keep up with my one? There aint no kin' o' quality in can'idates, it 's said, So useful ez a wooden leg,--except a wooden head; There 's nothin' aint so poppylar--(wy, it 's a parfect sin To think wut Mexico hez paid fer Santy Anny's pin;)-- Then I haint gut no principles, an', sence I wuz knee-high, I never _did_ hev any gret, ez you can testify; I 'm a decided peace-man, tu, an' go agin the war,-- Fer now the holl on 't 's gone an' past, wut is there to go _for_? Ef, wile you 're 'lectioneerin' round, some curus chaps should beg To know my views o' state affairs, jest answer WOODEN LEG! Ef they aint settisfied with thet, an' kin' o' pry an' doubt An' ax fer sutthin' deffynit, jest say ONE EYE PUT OUT! Thet kin' o' talk I guess you 'll find 'll answer to a charm, An' wen you 're druv tu nigh the wall, hol' up my missin' arm; Ef they should nose round fer a pledge, put on a vartoous look An' tell 'em thet 's percisely wut I never gin nor--took!