No one had ever heard the Bishop explain his curious surplice but
once, and that had been several years before, when the little chapel,
by the aid of a concert Miss Alice gave, contributions from the
Excelsior Mill headed by Mr. and Mrs. Kingsley, and other sources had
been furnished, and the Bishop came forward to make his first talk:
"This is the only church of its kind in the worl', I reckin'," he
said. "I've figured it out an' find we're made up of Baptis',
Metherdis', Presbyterian, 'Piscopalian, Cam'elites an' Hard-shells.
You've 'lected me Bishop, I reckon, 'cause I've jined all of 'em, an'
so far as I know I am the only man in the worl' who ever done that
an' lived to tell the tale. An' I'm not ashamed to say it, for I've
allers foun' somethin' in each one of 'em that's a little better than
somethin' in the other. An' if there's any other church that'll teach
me somethin' new about Jesus Christ, that puffect Man, I'll jine it.
I've never seed a church that had Him in it that wa'n't good enough
for me."
The old man smiled in humorous retrospection as he went on:
"The first company of Christians I jined was the Hard-shells. I was
young an' a raw recruit an' nachully fell into the awkward squad. I
liked their solar plexus way of goin' at the Devil, an' I liked the
way they'd allers deal out a good ration of whiskey, after the fight,
to ev'ry true soldier of the Cross--especially if we got our feet too
wet, which we mos' always of'ntimes gen'ally did."
This brought out visible smiles all down the line, from the others at
the Hard-shells and their custom of foot-washing.
"But somehow," went on the old man, "I didn't grow in grace--spent
too much time in singin' an' takin' toddies to keep off the effect of
cold from wet feet. Good company, but I wanted to go higher, so I
drapt into the Baptis' rigiment, brave an' hones', but they spen' too
much time a-campin' in the valley of the still water, an' when on the
march, instid of buildin' bridges to cross dry-shod over rivers an'
cricks, they plunge in with their guns stropped to their backs, their
powder tied up in their socks in their hats, their shoes tied 'round
their necks an' their butcher-knife in their teeth. After they lan'
they seem to think it's the greates' thing in the worl' that they've
been permitted to wade through water instead of crossin' on a log,
an' they spen' the balance of their time marchin' 'roun' an' singin':
"'Billows of mercy, over me roll,
Oceans of Faith an' Hope, come to my soul.'
"Don't want to fly to heaven--want to swim there. An' if they find
too much lan' after they get there, they'll spen' the res' of
eternity prayin' for a deluge.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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