“I don't know--for two or three purposes, I believe.” “Will your lordship state them?” “Why, Tom, I should wish to do the old peer; and touching the baronet's daughter, who is said to be very conscientious--which I suppose means the same thing as religion--I should wish to--” “To do her too,” added Norton, laughing. “Yes, I believe so; but I forget. Don't the pas'ns teach it?” “Yes, my lord, by precept, most of them do; not so many by example.” “But it's the theory only I want. You don't suppose I intend to practice religion, Tom, I hope?” “No, my lord, I have a different opinion of your principles.” “Could you hire me a pas'n, to give lessons in it--say two a week--I shall require to know something of it; for, my dear Tom, you are not to be told that twelve thousand a year, and a beautiful girl, are worth making an effort for. It is true she--Miss Gourlay, I mean--is not to be spoken of in comparison with the cigar-man's daughter; but then, twelve thousand a year, Tom--and the good old peer is threatening to curtail my allowance. Or stay, Tom, would hypocrisy do as well as religion?” “Every bit, my lord, so far as the world goes. Indeed, in point of fact, it requires a very keen eye to discover the difference between them. For one that practises religion, I there are five thousand who practise hypocrisy.” “Could I get lessons in hypocrisy? Are there men set apart to teach it? Are there, for instance, professors of hypocrisy as there are of music and dancing?” “Not exactly, my lord; but many of the professors of religion come very nearly to the same point.” “How is that, Tom? Explain it, like a good fellow.” “Why a great number of them deal in both--that is to say, they teach the one by their doctrine, and the other by their example. In different words, they inculcate religion to others, and practise hypocrisy themselves.” “I see--that is clear. Then, Tom, as they--the pas'ns I mean--are the best judges of the matter, of course hypocrisy must be more useful than religion, or they--and such! an immense majority as you say--would not practise it.” “More useful it unquestionably is, my lord.” “Well, in that case, Tom, try and find me out a good hypocrite, a sound fellow, who properly understands the subject, and I will take lessons from him. My terms will be! liberal, say--” “Unfortunately for your lordship, there are no professors to be had; but, as I said, it comes to the same thing. Engage a professor of religion, and whilst you pretend to study his doctrine, make a point also to study his life, and ten to one but you will close! your studies admirably qualified to take a degree in hypocrisy, if there were such an honor, and that you wish to imitate your teacher. Either that, my lord, or it may tend to cure you of a leaning toward hypocrisy as long as you live.”