"I have admitted, Dennis Montague," she said breathlessly, "that I came
here because you fascinated me. It's true; you have always fascinated
me. But I tell you that down in my heart I loathe you, detest you, for
the coward that you are." Montague drew back as though fired upon by a
masked battery. "In all the years I have known you," she went on
furiously, as though fearing that her courage would leave her before
the finish, "you have done nothing that was not selfish, mean, and
cowardly--above everything else, cowardly. Look at the girls you have
known----" Montague interrupted her with an impatient gesture, but she
went on: "More than a dozen I could name have given you the depth and
the sweetness of their first love, inspired by you, called forth by
you. Do you realize what a woman's heart is and what she gives with it?
And you--you are too cowardly to face marriage, too cowardly to love
with your own heart--too selfish to leave women's hearts alone."
Montague took a cigarette-case from his pocket. "May I smoke?" he said
coolly.
"You are a coward about your profession as well," she hurried on,
ignoring his interruption. "Your mother, I know, had great dreams for
you. She planned, worked, sacrificed for you. Yet you are too much of a
coward seriously to face competition with what you choose to call 'the
little legal minds of the city.'"
"And thirdly?" he said, lighting a cigarette.
"Yes, thirdly," she said desperately, although his easy nonchalance was
fast undermining her courage, "you are not in the army. Yet no one
could say that Dennis Montague is not fit. I can only presume, like
every one else, that you are afraid."
"And lastly?" He was still calm, although keener eyes than hers would
have noticed a dark, ominous flush under his eyes.
"And, lastly," she said, unconsciously repeating his formula, "you
scoff at everything that is good and pure, sneering at religion, and
drawing yourself aside from your fellow-creatures as though they were
loathsome. Yet I say to you, Dennis, that there is not a man in the
slums whose soul isn't far, far richer than yours. It is only a coward,
afraid to face the real things, who scoffs at life."
Weak from the effort she had made, her voice subsided into silence and
a cold sweat broke out on her brow and the palms of her hands.
"Will you smoke, Vera?"
"No, thanks," she answered faintly.
"Do. It would soothe you."
"No, I thank you." She repressed a sudden desire to fly from the
conservatory. She had become suddenly afraid of the cool, smiling
figure beside her.
"As far as girls are concerned," he said quietly, replacing the
cigarette-case in his pocket, "just as long as they angle for us with
every artifice of dress and rouge and coquetry, so long will they catch
us and the consequences. As for the law, which my mother planned for
me, I regret that my father left me the instincts of a gentleman, not
of an attorney. I am not boring you?"
She made no reply.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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