The blue wall : $b A story of strangeness and struggleChild, Richard Washburn
General
The blue wall : $b A story of strangeness and struggle
Child, Richard Washburn
Physicians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction
The rain, which had begun with a thin drive, had now settled into one
of those sod-soaking, autumn downpours, commonly called an equinoctial
storm. Estabrook was showing the effect of his nervous strain
by driving the machine through it with a recklessness of which
I disapproved, not only because we had twice skidded like a
curling-stone from one side of the asphalt to the other, but also
because I did not wish undue attention attracted to our course. The
windows in front of me and to the right and left were covered with
streaks of water and fogged with the smoke of my cigarettes which, in
my pleasurable excitement, I smoked one after the other; therefore
everything outside--the spots of light which lengthened into streaks,
the shadows, the other vehicles, the glaring fronts of theatres in
Federal Circle--formed a ribbon of smutched panorama, the running of
which obliterated vertical lines and made all the world horizontal. At
each crossing we jumped, landing again to scoot forward to the next,
where, through the opening of side streets, came the faint sound of
whistles in the harbor; and still, Estabrook,--confound him!--to my
cautions bellowed through the speaking-tube, paid no attention.
With shocking suddenness it occurred to me, for the first time,
seriously, that I had no assurance that this man who drove me was not a
maniac!
I reviewed the meeting with him, the tale he had unfolded, his
distraught actions. I am fairly familiar with psychopathic symptoms and
my summary of all that I had observed in him indicated clearly enough
that he was as sane as any one of us. But for the first time in my life
I realized the feeling of uncertainty about a physician's diagnosis
which a patient must endure. A doctor delivers his opinion as a matter
of self-assertion; the layman receives it as a matter of
self-preservation. Riding in that flying car, I found myself in both
positions. As a physician I was wholly satisfied with my conclusion; as
a man I found myself still in doubt and picturing to myself a wild
ten-minute ride, which I had no power to prevent, ending in a chaos of
broken glass, twisted metal, clothing, blood, and flaming gasoline.
"MacMechem met violent death the moment he became curious as to the
other side of the blue wall," I thought, with a twinge of the
superstitious fear which touches prowlers as well as presidents,
professors as well as paupers.
We were whirling around a corner then, and through the glass and over
Estabrook's broad shoulders, I believed I saw again the treetops of the
park.
"At least he knows where he lives," said I to myself as we drew up to
the curb.
"Good!" I whispered to him, when I had stepped out into the swash of
the rain. "Frankly, I hardly enjoyed it. You drive like a demonstrator."
"I'm a ruin of nerves," he answered, shivering. "I'm afraid I'm a poor
assistant for you, anyway. What do you want me to do?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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