England -- Social life and customs -- Humor; English wit and humor; Housekeeping -- Humor; Marriage -- Humor
We had at last struggled up to such heights above the sorrows of the
Palmerston Road that we were able to buy a butler. The main reason for
this important social advance was that Clara had married a traveller
in sewing machines and, like a lady with a pet canary, I could never,
never care for another; a bullfinch perhaps, but not a canary. With a
butler I should have a new and therefore possibly interesting set of
vices to contend with, but to bring out again my old quack remedies for
morning blindness and ubiquity would be beyond my strength. I could
not face the explanations about table-napkins, and “ladies first,” and
unpunctual tea-kettles, nor, above all, the black cloud of displeasure
which would be sure to billow from under the pantry door and pervade
the house after my ruthless destruction of lifelong habits. A good
manservant never mentions what he has been accustomed to. If you differ
from him he puts up with you if he can, and if not, he says that he
finds the air is not so healthy as that of Herefordshire and, sorry
though he is to leave you, he prefers to make a change and try gravel
soil.
Perrin liked me, I am glad to say. He thought that I was inexperienced,
but shaped well to become a good mistress if I would be a little more
particular in some things; he relied on himself to teach me his ways
in time. He told me rather pointedly, within the first days of our
acquaintance, that he had been obliged to leave his last place because
there was too much freedom. The master had been on a ranch all his life
and come suddenly into the property and, as was to be expected, hardly
understood his position. “It was very awkward for me,” he added, “as
you will understand, being obliged to mention what was expected.”
“And what was expected?” I asked.
“Well, of course, ma’am, it is difficult to say exactly, but there
were many little things. His late lordship was always very particular
that at least three of us should sit up for him when he came home
late.” I blushed nervously as I remembered how James and I had always
let ourselves in with a latch-key and had eaten our sandwiches and
heated our soup on the gas-ring. It was just possible this had reached
Perrin’s ears through Ruth and he was deliberately warning me not to go
too far.
“That is what one would expect, of course,” I said. “Mr. Molyneux gives
a great deal of trouble and is most fanciful and inconsiderate. You
will have to be very careful.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” he answered. (How soothing that is after the female
“yes’m,” I thought.) “How many shall I bring tea for?”
“Oh, about forty,” I said airily.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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