United States -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Villages -- Fiction
This was the face my fancy brought to go with me into every June garden
of familiar surprises. All of which meant that I was a poor thing of
clay and many dolors, who still perversely made himself believe that
somewhere between him and God was the one woman, breathing and
conscious, perhaps even longing. More plainly, it meant that I was a man
whose gift for self-fooling promised ably to survive his hair.
Gravitation would presently pull down my shoulders, my face would flaunt
"the wrinkled spoils of age", my voice would waver ominously, and I
should forfeit the dignities befitting even this decay by still playing
childish games of belief with some foolish dog. I would be a village
"character" of the sort that is justly said to "dodder." And the
judicious would shun observation by me, or, if it befell them, would
affect an intense preoccupation lest I halt and dodder to them of a past
unromantically barren.
There were moments in which I made no doubt of all this. But I fought
them off as foolishly as did Jim his own intervals of clear seeing.
Sometimes in a half doze he breathes a long, almost human sigh of
perfect and despairing comprehension, as if the whole dead weight of his
race's history flashed upon him; as if the woful failure of his species
to achieve anything worth while, and the daily futilities of himself as
an individual dog were suddenly revealed. In such instants he knows,
perhaps, that there is little reward in being a dog, unless you cheat
yourself by believing more than the facts warrant. But presently he is
up to dash at a bird, with a fine forgetfulness, quite as startled by
the trick of flight as in his first days. And I, envying him his gift of
credulity, weakly strive for it.
As I have said, I had noted that in these free dreamings of mine the
painted face above my neighbor's mantel seemed to have had a place long
before I looked upon its actual lines. This perplexed me not a little;
that the face should seem to have been familiar before I had seen
it--the portrait, that it should have blended with and then almost
replaced another's, so that now the woman face I saw was eloquent of
two, though fittingly harmonized in itself. Must I lay to the philter's
magic this audacious notion; that the face of Little Miss had tangibly
come to me in some night of the mind? Sober, I was loath to commit this
absurdity; but breasting drunkenly that tide of dreams, it ceased to be
absurd.
And so I had plunged into the current again one early evening when the
growing things seemed to have stopped reluctantly for rest, when the
robins had fluted of their household duties the last time for the day,
and when only the songs of children at a game were brought to me from a
neighboring yard.
Unconsciously my thoughts fell into the rhythm of this song, with the
result that I presently listened to catch its words--faint, childish,
laughing, yet musical in the scented dusk:--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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