To be just with herself, the girl had not gone to the restaurant with
much real hope of finding Maitland there. Curiosity had drawn
her,--just to see if.... But it was too preposterous to credit, that he
should have cared enough.... Quite too preposterous! It was her cup,
her bitter cup, to know that _she_ had learned to care enough--at
sight!... And she recalled (with what pangs of shame and misery begged
expression!) how her heart had been stirred when she had found him (as
she thought) true to his tryst: even as she recalled the agony and
distress of mind with which she had a moment later fathomed Anisty's
impersonation.
For, of course, she had known that Maitland was Maitland and none
other, from the instant when he told her to make good her escape and
leave him to brazen it out: a task to daunt even as bold and
resourceful a criminal as Anisty, and more especially if he were called
upon to don the mask at a minute's notice, as Maitland had pretended
to. Or, if she had not actually known, she had been led to suspect: and
it had hardly needed what she had heard him say to the servants, when
he thought her flying hotfoot over the lawn to safety, to harden
suspicion into certainty.
And now that he should find her here, a second time a trespasser,
doubly an ingrate,--that he should have caught her red-handed in this
abominably ungrateful treachery!... She could pretend, of course, that
she had returned merely to restore the jewels and the cigarette case;
and he would believe her, for he was generous.... She could, but--she
could not. Not now. Yesterday, the excitement had buoyed her; she had
gained a piquant enjoyment from befooling him, playing _her_ part of
the amateur crackswoman in this little comedy of the stolen jewels. But
therein lay the difference: yesterday it had been comedy, but
to-day--ah! to-day she could no longer laugh. For now she cared.
A little lie would clear her--yes. But it was not to be cleared that
she now so passionately desired; it was to have him believe in her,
even against the evidence of his senses, even in the face of the
world's condemnation; and so prove that he, too, cared--cared for her
as his attitude toward her had taught her to care....
Ever since leaving him in the dawn she had fed her starved heart with
the hope, faint hope though it were, that he would come to care a
little, that he would not utterly despise her, that he would understand
and forgive, when he learned why she had played out her part, nor
believe that she was the embodiment of all that was ignoble, coarse,
and crude; that he would show a little faith in her, a little faith
that like a flickering taper might light the way for ... Love.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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